Henry Rollins Stole All the Words

This review of former Black Flag frontman Henry Rollins' spoken word show last night was going to be significantly longer, unfortunately there are a few less words in the world this morning. Hank's epic three hour monologue has left the universe a few phrases shorter than there were at the beginning of his set. Mic chord wrapped tightly around his palm and doing most of his performance in a similar forward lunge stance to when he is singing with a band, Rollins moved quickly from reference to reference, simile to simile, always keeping his basic topic just within reach, but not afraid to go off on a tangent at any unannounced point. Here are just a few topics that were covered:

Seeing Bad Brains with Ian Mackaye
Giving the finger to the military "chairman" of Myanmar Senior General Than Shwe
Advice he got from David Lee Roth
President Obama's over emphasis of punctuation
Reciting large portions of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution from memory
Football parties and Thanksgiving at William Shatner's house
Visiting the the National Archives with Ian Mackaye
Introducing the Stooges to a fifteen year old in Sri Lanka
A gypsy music festival in the middle of the Sahara Desert
Senator John McCain's desire for soup and a nap
Requesting tour guides in China for their personal assurances for a swift retreat from Tibet
Jerking off after being a guest judge on RuPaul's Drag Race
Giving the commencement speech at Sonoma State University
Playing a white power motherfucker on Sons of Anarchy
Constance McMillen and her canceled prom
Being in Bhopal, India for the 25th anniversary of the Union Carbide disaster
Michelle Obama's wax statue in Madame Tussaud's

There were a lot more, but honestly, Henry didn't slow down enough for me to remember them all. He said in the beginning of the show that he believed that when an audience pays to come see you perform, you owe them a mind fucking experience where they leave in a daze. Mission accomplished. He also apologized in advance for the numb butts the audience was going to have at the end of his extensive rant. Mission seriously accomplished. So two stories about Ian and one about the Shatner makes three shots on the Henry Rollins drinking game.* However, it was a good thing almost no one in the audience was playing 'cause getting out of those pews to take a piss would have been difficult. Even though Henry went on for hours and hours, most of the crowd sat stoically (I'm sure Rollins, king of Stoicism, was proud) and listened with rapt attention to what he had to say.

No matter how motivated you are, Henry makes you feel like a sloth since you could never live up to all the shit that he crams into his days, but you have to admit, he does provide inspiration for interacting more with the world. After seeing everything that he puts himself through, all the awkward situations in which he intentionally immerses himself, you just want to feel like you are doing your part, just so that he doesn't break down your door and verbally berate you for your inactivity. Hence this post started before 7AM when I didn't get to bed until well after 1 last night. I'm trying to keep up, man, but you set the bar pretty fucking high. And PS, leave a little bit of the English language left over for the rest of us. Thanks.

*see our original post Christmas Carols are for Suckers