Pepsi's Dump not as Stinky as Expected!

Ok, so we promised oh-so-long ago to keep checking up on Pepsi's "Refresh Everything" Project* and I must admit that the results look like they may actually come to fruition. This shit seems pretty legitimate. The first group of projects have been voted on and, so long as my eyes don't deceive me, Pepsi is going to fund the top ten projects in three price brackets (5K, 10K, and 15K) and is going to fund the top two in the top bracket (20k). Color me impressed. Among the projects funded are programs to help senior citizens take care of their pets, ship Girl Scout cookies to troops serving abroad, build playgrounds, and encourage all-ages music spaces in underserved areas. Pepsi has also announced that they are going to do at least one additional round, and may continue the contest each month throughout the year. Pepsi Co., we here at I Hope You're not Squeamish, give you a check plus for following through on your promises. We hope that your next round is even more successful than this one was.

Check out www.refresheverything.com for the first round winners and to vote for the second group of proposed ideas. Support the causes you believe in by spending Pepsi's money!

*see our original post "Pepsi Takes a Dump on Super Bowel XLIV"

Get Over Yourselves, You Self-Important Jackasses

Hey PETA and Sarah Palin! Way to make yourselves look like a couple of giant bags of douche!

Tuesday, just before that adorable Scottie dog Sadie was crowned Best in Show at the Westminster Kennel Club, two PETA representatives (working "independently," according to PETA) held up protest signs--"Mutts Rule" and "Breeders kill rescue dogs' chances." What a bunch of dorks. While I am big believer that mutts can be equally as cute as a pure bred canine, and that rescuing dogs is a noble cause, SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY! First of all, this is a competition for pure bred dogs and there is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing inherently evil about owning or wanting a pure bred animal. Secondly, there is such a thing as responsible breeding. Again, in and of itself, breeding is fine so long as the goal is to produce quality dogs and not just to churn them out to make some quick dough on a cute puppy. There is a difference between breeders and puppy mills; they are not necessarily the same thing. There are many people who call themselves breeders who really have no clue what they are doing. They are simply out to make a buck, even if they are not necessarily mass producing doggies. Also, it is pretty much proven that odds are a mutt is going to be a healthier dogs long term because so many pure breds are also inbreds. But this is not because breeders are stupid or bad, it is just that particular breeder is stupid or bad. There is a difference and PETA refuses to distinguish between the two categories.

Sarah Palin, who is only connected to PETA in the sense that she too sucks, also made an horse's petute out of herself Wednesday by proclaiming her outrage over Family Guy's portrayal of down syndrome. True, Seth MacFarlane specifically referenced the former governor in the episode, but in no way did they bash on Palin's son (who suffers from the disorder) as she seems to believe. It is hard to feel like a public figure who posts her response on Facebook is protected from being the subject of ridicule. I'm not defending making fun of handicapped people, especially handicapped children, but when you are an elected official, you are subject to a different set of standards than the rest of us folks and you should expect your life to be dissected, and that includes your family. Plus, and most importantly, it was a joke, comedy, a jest. Maybe it isn't your sense of humor, but it was supposed to be farce--and really only partially at your expense. Sarah Palin, take note: if you want to keep you private life private, don't run for Vice President and don't put your life on display on fucking Facebook. You looked like a dunce when you boo-hooed about David Letterman, and you look like a whale's vagina now.

So, in summary, fuck PETA, fuck Sarah Palin, and fuck Facebook. I hate you all passionately. The world would be better off if each of you just kept to yourselves and stayed the hell out of society's way. That is all.

In Name and Blood

Following the first song of their set (one of two they were performing at the Theatre of Living Arts Friday night), Murder City Devils front man Spencer Moody apologized for getting too wild during the song and flubbing the lyrics. "We can do this two ways," the bespectacled singer told the crowd. "I can either sing the songs right or do them all fucked up," the latter of which was met by a roar of approval from the crowd. And he did proceed to sing the songs all fucked up. Since Murder City Devils' songs are pretty repetitive in general, it really doesn't matter if he sings the first verse twice, or if the verses are out of order. What does matter is that after the best part of a decade since their last show in Philly, the Devils fully threw themselves into their material and played their asses off. Seven people on stage, all giving 100%, you would never know that they were playing a second show at midnight. Not once did they hold back, or save a little energy for the later show. Moody destroyed his glasses about half way through and performed with only one lens for the balance. "People ask where Murder City is," he howled, "I said it's in my, it's in my heart!" The song immediately followed, Moody sang to the crowd, "If you're not gonna dance, what the fuck did you come here for?" With little stage banter, the Devils destroyed tracks from each of their albums with "Midnight Service at the Mutter Museum" and "Bear Away" from 2001's Thema EP being particular standouts. They closed with a mind-numbingly loud cover of the Birthday Party's "Several Sins," leaving their instruments on stage pouring out feedback until it was abruptly cut off. Many fans stood around hoping for one more helping, but security was quick to begin clearing the floor to prepare for the midnight show. "See you soon," promised the band. Unless they were talking to the superfans who were coming back in at midnight, we are probably not going to see MCD for quite some time and that's ok. The Devils were always in danger of incinerating at any minute when they were a full time band. So on the rare occasions when they show their horns, that buildup of emotion is heaved from the stage to the dance floor, and everyone is left panting and wanting more, but none the less satisfied that you just witnessed something great, though fleeting.

American as Apple Pie

Who ever would have thought that when the Simpsons premiered in 1989 that it would grow into an iconic, American brand? As evidenced by their Super Bowl crossover commercial with Coca-Cola (est. 1886), the Simpsons has now solidified itself into an classic American institution. No other single product established in the last 25 years can claim the influence that the Simpsons can. As if they needed my stamp of approval, Homer Simpson and family can join a list of illustrious (and time tested) brands.

Ford (est. 1903)

McDonald's (est. 1940)

The Wall Street Journal (est. 1889)

Budweiser (est. 1876)
Saturday Night Live (est. 1975)
Disney (est. 1923)
Nike (est. 1964)
Chevrolet (est. 1911)
Rolling Stone (est. 1967)
Macy's (est. 1858)
Harley Davidson (est. 1903)

The thing that links all of these organizations together is that they are more than just the product that they put out. They each represent a lifestyle, an attitude. Devotees of any of the above are subject, for better or worse, to certain assumptions and personality profile bullet points. There are certainly other brands, both American and otherwise, that represent the same point. Each one of these giants are more than the sum of their profits, more than the sum of their parts.

The Simpsons are sure to go down in history as more than a successful cartoon. They are a critique of American culture. Like All in the Family before them, the Simpsons is unafraid of exploring and poking fun at all aspects of society, from the controversial to the mundane. They are marketing gold--anything bearing their images sells and is automatically collectible. And on almost any occasion, the Simpsons are able to be used as a source for quotation, and more often than not, said quotes are completely applicable and appropriate. They have accomplished all of this by being reasonably subversive and without catering or pandering to anyone.

Despite the fact that most TV shows grow stale and most products are replaced by something faster and sleeker, the Simpsons continues to put out an entertaining show and their licensed merchandise is still enjoyable and, for the most part, creative. Each Sunday night, fall through spring, the Simpsons can be counted on to provide truly funny satire and a little bit of finger pointing at all of us. Not too shabby for a show that had Bill Cosby worried about Bart becoming a role model for little boys and that former President Bush tried to use to represent the decline of the American family. When it all comes down to it HW Bush will go down as a one term president who rode Regan's coattails into office, and Cosby, who despite breaking down racial barriers with the Cosby Show, may be more remembered for other people's impressions of him. But the Simpsons will always be known, at the very least, for putting "Doh!" into the dictionary and, at the very most, for epitomizing the best and worst in American culture, and for forcing us to come to grips with the contradictions of our society. As Homer so eloquently put it, "I see the light...it burns!"

We Don't Normally Promote Shows in NYC but...

Legendary rhythm and blues king Chuck Berry is making a rare east coast appearance at BB King's Blues Club in New York City, June 25th. Berry still performs one show a month in his hometown of St. Louis, so he has been keeping his chops up, but at 83, he doesn't go out on the road very often. Berry is on a short list of still living legends that can lay claim to inspiring the Beatles--influencing the most influential band in history, c'mon now, you can't mess with that. His regular performances in St. Louis sell out on a consistent basis, and quickly, so if you are interested in this, scoop up a seat fast.

Chuck Berry's Homepage
BB King's Blues Club and Grill

On the Philadelphia side of things, LA hardcore punks The Bronx have announced that they will play a show at the North Star Bar. The last time these fine folks came through town they played a rainy weeknight in the basement of the First Unitarian Church. Something tells me, the North Star is going to be a better venue and is going to attract a bigger (and drunker) crowd for them. Don't let the Bronx down Philly! They are a pretty disorganized organization, so when the Bronx do get it together for an east coast headlining tour, they need to have some love and appreciation directed their way. Maybe we can convince them to come back more often. Their mariachi side project, cleverly called Mariachi El Bronx, is opening. They have some killer costumes and an authentic mariachi album under their belts, so check it out. Oh yeah, and they have a cologne, I shit you not, called Barrio Sweat. If that isn't sexy, I don't know what is. Saturday, April 3rd at the North Star, 27th and Poplar. 21+

The Bronx
The North Star Bar

It's What You Buy, Not What They Sell

Great Anti-Flag show at the Trocadero last night. A no where near sold out, but none the less enthusiastic crowd showed much love for the Pittsburgh political punk machine. Despite a song selection that ignored several of my personal favorites, the Flag played a sampling from most of their albums, but a hefty part of the set list was taken from 2003's The Terror State. A few old gems, "Drink, Drank, Punk," "Fuck Police Brutality" and "Die for the Government" were highlights. They finished their set with a boat load of Clash covers (would have rather heard one cover and two other originals--maybe at least one tune from A New Kind of Army???) and then rhythm keeper Pat Thetic proceeded to dissemble the drum kit, and move it to the floor to close with "Power to the Peaceful." Lead singers Justin Sane and Chris #2 were all over the place on stage, keeping the energy high and the crowd showed its approval by beating the crap out of each other. Other than the always present 200 lb. knucklehead crowd-surfers, people generally looked out for each other and kept the violence civil.

As always, Anti-Flag had several activist organizations passing out literature and and other propaganda materials, most visibly PETA. Surprisingly missing was anyone promoting for Haitian Relief efforts and though Justin Sane gave several small speeches (his disappointment in Obama, the economy), there were no calls for support for the devastated nation. So, with a few small exceptions, it was pretty much exactly what could be expected from Anti-Flag; solid performance and a little education to boot.

Midnight Murder City Riot

Due to popular demand, and just because they are so fucking awesome, our friends the Murder City Devils have added a second show on Friday, February 12th. This one starts at midnight, immediately following the first show at the Theatre of Living Arts. This is a little too much murder for Mikey Squeamish, so I will only be at the early show, but fo' sho' there will be lots of peeps attending both performances. You can get tickets at the box office, but because it is a Live Nation venue, you still get hit with a $5 fee. That is still better than the inevitable $10 you will pay in "convenience fees" if you buy them online. The kind-hearted Devils do something nice, and Live Nation goes and funks it all up. Thanks a lot, jerks!