Indie Mummer's Paradise

Do you have that perfect vintage, thrift store dress for this New Year's? Have you got your fashion mullet going just right? Looking for that special venue to get humped by a hipster with an ironic mustache so you can really get a good jump on the new millennium? Well then look no further, 'cause Sean and the R5 are whipping up some crazy NYE shit for Philly to attend at the Barbary. 20 bucks and you get an hour of free drinks from 9 to 10--your choice of Sparks or PBR. The details are kind of intentionally hazy, but apparently there are going to be some other parts of the Barbary opened up so there can be three dance floors going on simultaneously. Here's how they describe the mayhem:

In Discovery One: (Main Floor):Dave P / Dave Pak & Mike ZI

lluminating the dance floor w/ indiedance.cocainesexjams. partytrainanthems.nitemusic. futuristicsounds.

In the Orb of Light (Second Floor):A Rock Tits Event w/ Joel, Nez, Russ Alexander & Steve Vena

One night only! from stonehedge! heavy black "vinyl" magic rock riffs from the wizards sleeve

In the Black Monolith (Third Floor):Adam Sparkls, Pink Skull and The Broadzilla DJs

Raddening the dance floor w/ newwavehouse.nowavedisco. electro.acidrain.sparklemotion

Take from that what you will. Yer ol' pal Mikey Squeamish will be rocking in the new year in a more modest manner, but for those of you who need a free Jager shot at midnight (only on the Black Monolith level. Champagne and Whiskey in Discovery One and the Orb of Light, respectively), this is a viable alternative. And if you get two free drinks during the early hours, you have made a dent in your ticket price. As always, tickets available through AKA Music on 2nd Street in Philly, or now through R5's revamped website.

They are also hosting some secret warehouse after-party, but I'm not cool enough to know where it is. Wherever your debaucherous activity takes you Thursday night, be careful out there, kiddies. It's a big, bad world. We want see everyone on the other side with their limbs and minds intact. Happy New Year.

http://www.r5productions.com/

It's Christmas and we're all in Misery

Nothing especially squeamish today. Everyone have a safe and happy New Year. If you are on the roads traveling this holiday season, don't drive like a jackass, jackasses. Maintain reasonable speeds and switch lanes at appropriate times. Getting to your destination five or ten minutes faster is not worth getting there dead. Have fun and enjoy!

Murder City Riot!

Murder City Devils.
Saturday, February 12th.
Theater of Living Arts, South Street Philly

Get 'em while they last, little ones. This is the first Murder City Devils east coast appearance since early this decade. Spencer Moody and company are going to play the best songs about sailors, boozing, tattoos and lost love you ever heard. Don't miss this opportunity as the Devils are not really a full time band anymore and their new projects all pretty much suck. Here's hoping for "Midnight Service at the Mutter Museum." No word yet on who's opening.

Pepsi takes a Dump Super Bowel XLIV

Congrats to Pepsi for taking a break from being a totally evil, insane, barbaric corporation by announcing that, for the first time in 23 years, they will not participate in the stupefying situation that is Super Bowl advertising. Pepsi made sure that it was well publicized that instead, it is investing that money in its "Refresh Project." In addition to being a marketing campaign (apparently Pepsi has used the tag line "Refresh Everything" for a year, who knew?), the Refresh Project awards grants in five categories: Heath, Arts & Culture, Food & Shelter, The Planet, Neighborhoods and Education. Ten days in January, applications will be accepted for the grants via refresheverything.com. The site will also provide tool kits for preparing the grant application. I had trouble finding exactly what kind of funding Pepsi has committed towards this project. According to one MSN article, Pepsi is hoping that other companies and investors will partner with them to provide even more funds. Pepsi's fancy pants front page claims that "millions" is promised.

So, I'll give Pepsi the chance to put their money where their mouth is. But, as always, I expect some results. I signed up for their newsletter, so I'm going to keep close tabs on exactly how many projects they end up sponsoring. I fully expect that Pepsi will find some way to back out of this, and not much will ever come of it, and it will all just be a spectacle to put their soda in headlines for a little while and look a little less bloodthirsty, oh, and by the way, save $30 million or so in advertising dollars. Because, let's face it, most of the Super Bowl commercials, as entertaining as they are, are for products that ALREADY FUCKING SELL. That's why the companies can afford the advertising. Holy Shit! It's not like without a Super Bowl ad, people will forget about Pepsi or stop buying their product. So they can simply not do the ads, save some dough and look like sweethearts because they are going to "invest in community."

Now my heart isn't completely made out of stone. No no no no no no. I truly hope that Pepsi gives a whole bunch of people a whole bunch of money to make this world better. So I don't wish them ill. Instead, what I propose is to flood the fuckers with ideas. Let's give them a chance give back. I know there are a couple of you people out there who went to business school who can draft up some fantastic plans and dazzle the pants off Pepsi. Let's give them some ideas worth funding.

A call to arms, my friends! Spend Pepsi's money!
refresheverything.com

Kicked in the Butt by Love

Alarm! Phillip Hill, guitarist for greaser punks the Teen Idols, is in urgent need of your help. Leaving a bar in Nashville several nights ago, Hill saw four assholes attacking a young woman. Being a standup dude, he stepped in to help her out. He was enough distraction for her to escape without further harm, but Hill got the absolute shit kicked out of him. They busted his face open, broke several of his ribs and collapsed one of his lungs. Believe it or not, the Teen Idols don't make enough to insure the members of their band (shocker!), so needless to say, he has some remarkable hospital bills mounting. Mass Giorgini and the fine folks at Sonic Iguana Studios has set up a fund to help out. You can contribute via paypal. We here at I Hope You're not Squeamish salute Phillip Hill for helping a damsel in distress, taking his beating like a man and still smiling (or at least trying to smile) while getting his picture taking in a hospital gown.

Help Phillip Hill

Philly, We are some Lucky Ducks

Notorious recluse and punk legend Ben Weasel has taken himself out of his Chicago hideaway to play two shows on the east coast. One is Saturday April 24th at the First Unitarian Church and he is playing Riverdales songs. That in and of itself is pretty cool. But the night before, he is playing at the Trocadero and it is all Screeching Weasel songs. Tickets go on sale on Friday at noon and grab them quick because there are going to be people who travel for this show. Take the kids. For you Weasel purists, no John Jughead this time around, sorry. Apparently there was no burring the hatchet for those two.

Ben has a pretty interesting blog which is updated on a pretty regular basis, and he is more entertaining than I could hope to be. Check it out. And if you haven't read either of the books he wrote under his given name, Ben Foster, you should try those out too. Punk is a Four Letter Word is primarily a compilation of his columns for Maximum Rock n' Roll, but you'll learn tons about Larry Livermore and the 90's Lookout! scene, the "rules" of being punk and other amusing anecdotes. They range from violently sarcastic to shockingly sensitive and introspective. His other book, Like Hell, is actually a novel, but it is basically a fictionalized version of his life as a touring musician. Some of the imagery is pretty brutal, but there is enough insightful commentary to balance it out. John Jughead has his own book, with his side of the story, Weasels in a Box. I haven't read it, but from what I can tell, it is written from the perspective of Jughead telling himself a story. An interesting concept; if anyone has ready this and can weigh in on how successfully it is pulled off, please let us know. They are all available in paperback.

Don't forget what the doormouse said. Read:

Weasel Manor

There are links to buy Ben's books from Amazon on Weasel Manor. If you can avoid it, please do. Buy the books from an independent book seller or from someone like Interpunk. Interpunk was originally started, ironically, by two Screeching Weasel fans who ran a fansite. Their readers were tired of not being able to get a hold of SW merch, so they got in contact with Ben and Jughead and started marketing tee shirts. Ten plus years later, they still run a killer site with fair prices, excellent customer service, remarkable diversity in product and they sneak presents in with orders. Who wouldn't be excited to get a free button when they by a cd or sweatshirt? Point is, there are alternatives to the one-stop behemoths. Support them when you can.

Interpunk

Christmas Carols are for Suckers

Touring in the winter sucks. Not only do touring bands have to contend with the always dangerous black ice (Weezer is only the most recent of bands to have seen their bus/van flip or crash. At least Weezer has copious amounts of cash on hand to fix said bus.), but I can't imagine playing in 90 degree heat inside a club and then trying to catch up some sleep in a 10 degree van so that it can be done again the next night. Can't possibly be comfortable or healthy. However, more than a few excellent bands have decided to brave the winter cold to entertain our asses. Most of these are a little way off, so don't say we didn't warn you.


Thurs. Dec. 17: The Street Dogs and Roger Miret and the Disasters at the North Star Bar, $14 advance/$16 at the door. Bring a toy. The always civic-minded Street Dogs (Boston!) have teamed up with the US Marine Corps and Toys for Tots, so donate some shit, knuckleheads! All ages!

Sun. Dec. 27: CroMags and All Out War at the First Unitarian Church, $15 Hardcore, for those who like that kind of thing.

Tues. Jan. 5: The Loved Ones at Kung Fu Necktie, $12 Sorry, young 'ens. This one is 21+.

Thurs Jan. 7: All at the First Unitarian Church, $17 Not quite the Decendents, but close enough! Come for the best bass lines in punk.

Tues. Jan. 17: Brian Fallon and Dave Hause at the First Unitarian Church, $15 Lead singer of Jersey's own the Gaslight Anthem plays a solo (and presumably acoustic) gig with the lead singer of Philly's own the Loved Ones. Zoltan predicts at least on Bob Dylan cover.

Wed. Feb. 3: Anti-Flag and Starfucking Hipsters at the Trocadero, $15 There are other bands on this bill, but trust your ol' pal Mikey Squeamish, you don't want to waste your time with that shit. However, to see ska-punkers Starfucking Hipsters (ex Chocking Victim, Leftover Crack), you'll need to show up early. Then, camp out in the bar upstairs and wait to be educated (and get your head kicked in) by Anti-Flag.

Fri. Feb. 26: Flogging Molly at the Electric Factory, $28 advance/$30 at the door. Punk rock drinking songs, Check! Authentic Irish accent, Check! Fiddle and Accordian, Check! Don't be the guy wearing a Guinness tee. Seriously. Don't be that guy.

Thurs. Mar. 11: Henry Rollins at the First Unitarian Church, $20 Henry is going to school your thick head on just about any topic he chooses. Sure to be lots of finger pointing. Henry Rollins Drinking Game: One drink for each reference to Ian MacKaye or William Shater. In the sanctuary, not the basement, so wear your nicest black tee shirt please.

For most of these shows, you can kick Ticketmaster in the balls and avoid their unholy service charges by buying directly from the venue. Little known fact: The Electric Factory has a box office at 111 Presidental Ave in Bala Cynwyd. Shows at the First Unitarian Church can be bought, as always, through our good friends R5 Procutions at AKA Music. For Troc tickets, go to the Troc. It's so simple, anyone can do it!

Even if you're not going to see the Street Dogs fuck shit up, support
toysfortots.org

We are the New Black

Blackhole
Dead Hearts
Koch Records, released October 28, 2009

We're serious as a heart attack. Fo' sho'. From the third member of the Carter clan (the other two brothers belong to hardcore wunderkinds Gallows), comes another more than decent hardcore album. Five guys making really good, screamy music. They know a thing or two about writing a breakdown but there isn't a trace bro dude bull-headedness. It's a nice starting place for a young band. The songs show just the right amount of brutality, without consciously focusing on odd time signatures or worrying about writing a nine minute opus, as is often the downfall of bands of their ilk. Lyrically, they could step it up a notch. Most songs are pretty straightforward emotional songs about isolation, self-destruction and a lack of giving a fuck, plus the obligatory "I hate/don't believe in God" tune. There is enough metaphor and thoughtfulness, though, to see where the lyrics could develop as the band ages and gains some experience. In the same vain, the music is pretty much by the books hardcore, but the quiet filler at the end of "We are the Dead Hearts" shows promise that Blackhole could fill out that sound and perhaps produce some nice psychedelic metal/hardcore. I would hope that this band would continue to develop and explore their sound and follow in the steps of, say, the Deftones. After all, Adrenaline is basically a rap-rock album, but shows what angry young men can achieve when they properly focus their anguish. Hopefully, their older brothers in Gallows will show them the way, so they can give us a sophomore effort that is worthy of the high standards they set with Dead Hearts. You'll probably have to special order this one, kiddies. Hit up your local record shop and ask them to get it for you. For fans of Gallows, Refused.

Them Dry Bones

It's pretty sickening to watch a small company slowly fail and go out of business. It's like American Werewolf in London, when Jack continues to visit David and his dead body becomes more and more drippy as it starts to fester and languish. If you know what to look for, you can almost see it decompose in front of your eyes. It starts when, out of the blue, there is a staff change and that always willing to go the extra mile employee who has consistently been helpful is replaced. That could mean lots of things, granted; maybe that person has actually been rewarded by the universe with a better job. Sure, that's possible, and you always want to think that is what happened, for both the company's and employee's sake. But then the problems with inventory start. Slowly, either the overall level of stock starts to fall significantly or else the quality starts to go down the tubes. That foul smell of rotting flesh starts to waft from the decaying organization. The company becomes the walking un-dead, unable to address said issues with their product or simply stops responding to their customers at all. And then, one day, the door is just closed. And those six or seven people who put out a unique product, or created a comforting space in the world for those who felt uncomfortable, or whatever their business was, are gone and they have to leave the coprse behind to be swallowed up by the elements. Maybe you run into them down the line, maybe you don't. And it's really scary when you see the parallels between your own life and theirs and you realize that it could easily be your casket that others mourn.

Support local, family-owned businesses, especially during the holidays. I had to watch one of our most excellent suppliers close their doors this last week and it broke my fucking heart.

The Queers were Here!

I have to wonder, when was the last time the Queers played a 6:30 show that served no alcohol? Much love to R5 productions who promoted the all-ages affair (who else is going to bring the Queers to Philly?), but I doubt very much that there were any younglings wandering around the Barbary last night. Maybe the youngest people in the room were openers the Leftovers. They have some songwriting talent and the tunes translate well live, but the songs streaming on their MySpace page come off too clean and overproduced for my tastes. Recommended for fans of the Methadones, which made them very appropriate and adequate tourmates. The Queers brought no extra musicians with them, so apparently the pop punk leg of the tour is over. In fact, Joe Queer and Dangerous Dave didn't even bother to bring their own drummer with them, with the Leftover's drummer keeping time two sets each night of the tour. That kid did right by all the Queers' classics, tearing one right after the other, often with little or no break between songs. The Queers covered most of their classic material, shying away from their newer catalog. Noticeably absent was even one representation from their latest album, Munki Brain (2007, Asian Man). It took a few songs to get going, but the crowd got nice and rowdy and fists were pumping throughout most of the crowd as pretty much everyone sang along. The many fellas sporting leather jackets must have been warm towards the end; the Barbary is like seeing someone play in a really good basement. The Queers always bring out a good mix of classic punkers, and a good number showed up for a rainy Wednesday in Fishtown. All in all, a great experience. Joe Queer passed out high fives following the set, a surprising move for someone who wrote I Hate Everything, This Place Sucks, and numerous other Negative Nelly theme songs. Even Mrs. Squeamish had a good time, though both of us were hoping for at least one Beach Boys cover, but we both agreed that they did play some different songs than we had seen in years past and they played Monster Zero. Thumbs up to the Barbary too, a new club for us, but a nice space for shows that size and they seemed to have their shit together.

Support Independent Music:

http://www.asianmanrecords.com/
www.myspace.com/thenewbarbary
www.r5productions.com/

(You can read my) Poker Face

Had to weigh in on the Grammy nominations recently announced. I recognize and appreciate the fact that I am bitter and jaded and have always take music way more seriously than intended. However, I threw up in my mouth a little when I saw that Lady Gaga was nominated for album, record and song of the year. This is for reals. The three biggest music awards of the year now have the potential to be won by a woman who wrote and sang, "I'm bluffin' with my muffin." I just threw up a little more typing that out.

Now, I'm not trying to take anything away from Lady Gaga--girl has a hit record and the kids eat it up and she deserves some recognition, but her place belongs in the dance record category and maybe best new artist. It's where Ace of Base was put when Grammy nominee chimps decided that those Swedish popsters needed an award. But there they stayed. Again, I know that I am in the minority here when I say that I would rather watch the Garbage Pail Kids movie on repeat while having my sphincter stimulated by a cattle prod than have to listen to the Lady Gaga cd in its entirety. However, is it even a little bit possible that the new Pearl Jam record might be just the slightest bit more worthy of Album of the Year? Or the new Morrissey or AFI?

So, here is my solution. If Lady Gaga and her bluffin' muffin wins any of those awards, she has to do a steel cage death match against my pick for album of the year, Gallows and their smash-your-symmetrical-face-in masterpiece, Grey Britain. In fact, Lady Gaga can have my anal cattle prod for protection and she can go up against just Frank, Gallows' lead singer. If Lady Gaga and her shock stick can last two minutes with Frank, she can keep her award and I will even buy a copy of her album just so she gets another SoundScan credit. If she is bested, she has to issue a formal apology for the musical atrocity she has perpetrated and turn her Grammy over to Jimmy Sturr, since there is no longer a polka category for him to dominate. I think I'm being more than fair.

But the Spartans only sent 300

30,000 more troops to Afghanistan. Ok, Obama, I'm guess I'm game. Sure, I'm a somewhat of a pacifist by nature, but I'm also realistic enough to know that sometimes you gotta fight. Obama has access to more information than almost anyone in the world and he seems like a smart enough guy, and he says we need to fight. Barrack, I think you're right. But this chance I am willing to concede to you is a one time only thing before I write you off as a fat pig politician, just like all the rest.

I really do feel like we need to address the fact that our mission in Afghanistan has been, at best, a miserable failure. Our bloated effort in Iraq has indeed siphoned off all forms of resources necessary for success in Afghanistan--troops, money, media attention, general morale, etc. And the fact that our economy has been tanking has even further diverted the infantile attention of the American masses. Most people have forgotten that what we need to do in Afghanistan is important for our safety, and for the world's sake. We are talking about a country whose stability is teeter-tottering like Topple and is at the crossroads of worldwide terrorist activity. So it needs to be resolved, fully resolved. It can't be half-assed.

Despite the fact that I think that the president was giving us truth tonight, we have to remember that any president is part policy maker and part actor and is therefore to be distrusted. Obama is a great speaker and I think he genuinely means most of what comes out of his mouth, but I worry. He knows how to play the camera like a Stradivarius and he knows what a virtuoso he is. That kind of talent coupled with a more than healthy dose of self-confidence is always a dangerous thing. Playing on our lingering sense of unity and patriotism following 9-11, while admittedly relevant, is also a trick that seems all too familiar. And Obama is going to eventually run out of ex-presidents to name check to be sure he is appealing to the voting block of old folks. PS: Leaving your dick waving in the wind while you wait for applause at key moments in your speech is tacky and disrespectful of your audience. They will clap when they are moved to clap; you don't have to tell them.

But that is how politics is done. Eloquent congressional addresses give you high polling numbers, re-election and staying employed. Slick speeches will even help keep the economy from backsliding further despite the fact that the programs the slick speeches were sponsoring have created zero new jobs. But all the rhetoric in the world won't help the soldiers patrolling caves in the middle of the desert halfway around the world. That can't be forgotten.

So yeah, I'll give you 18 months and 30,000 troops despite my personal aversion to military solutions. But that's a lot of human beings put in harm's way, so for the sake of all those families who are giving so much, Obama better think things through real carefully. Cause I'm gonna hold you to that 18 months and gonna expect me some fucking results served up hot with maple syrup.

Support our troops (regardless of whether you support the war):
http://www.uso.org/
http://www.anysoldier.com/
http://www.veteransfund.org/

The Queers are Here!

Wednesday, December 2nd. The Barbary in Fishtown, Philadelphia. The world famous Queers punk rock music band. Word has it they are touring with backup singers and additional musicians to play genius pop-punk with even more melody, harmony and inappropriateness than has already come to be expected from these punk godfathers. Joe Queer and company serve up more bubblegum than you can scrape from under the counter at a diner. Lace up those Chuck Taylors and head on down to Philly to see some real music. Only $1o, since most of the Queers fans need to save some money for PBR tall boys and this shit is all ages. Buy your tickets through R5 Productions and AKA Music (2nd Street in Old City) to avoid Ticketmaster's scam service charges.

I Hope You're Not Squeamish

This is the inaugural post of I Hope You're Not Squeamish, dedicated to film, music, social justice and change, truth, the failings of human society and all other things that generally make people squeamish. Keep it locked here for updates on things you can do to better your neighborhood and world, music and film that may make you uncomfortable and really anything else that makes this world just a little less shitty. We promise to keep both barrels of our shotgun of truth fully loaded at all times, ready at any moment to blow your brains out with painful reality. So duck and cover, motherfucker. You may wear a bullet proof vest, but that won't save your pretty face.