Keeping Watch over their Flock by Night

The holiday season is quickly drawing to a close. Thanksgiving is a distant memory, Hanukkah is long gone, Christmas is less than a week away, and New Years is just around the corner. As we stop celebrating and moving into the bleaker depths of winter, American's sense of generosity starts to drop along with the temperature. It must be remembered that while donations made late November through the end of the calendar year are sincerely appreciated, the plight of the less fortunate is often only beginning its harshest season. With that in mind, we encourage all of our readers to support Philabundance, started as a food bank in 1984, but has developed into so much more. Indeed, it is a full scale charity that tries to patch holes in many different aspects of hunger relief.

Philabundance runs a traditional full food bank/soup kitchen year round, but they also offer quite a few other services. Most interestingly, they run a culinary school where all the practice meals are given out to those in need. On Mother's Day weekend, a collection specifically aimed at the needs of mothers and infants is organized. Philadundance partners with a number of different grocery stores, mega-stores that carry food (like Target and Walmart), and local farms to collect items that are still edible, but must be discarded due to strict standards for sale. There are programs that are specifically geared towards senior citizens whose income does not allow them proper nutrition. Always ready to go are 30 pound emergency food boxes for those that need immediate assistance. Their Fresh for All program puts fresh fruits and vegetables in the hands of those for whom the rapidly escalating price of these essentials makes them unattainable.

Philadundance is truely thinking outside the box when it comes to food and nutrition and how to meets the growing and diverse needs of the city. By providing a variety of programs that address many facets of hunger, they are ensuring that those in need are receiving food that is targeted towards their specific needs. It is also important to remember that during the Thanksgiving/Christmas holiday, Philabundance and other soup kitchen type charities can usually provide for their clients. However, these programs run year round and are understocked most of the time. It is important to remember that there are homeless/poverty stricken/mentally ill/elderly/children in need all the time.

We here at I Hope You're not Squeamish urge you to reconsider your New Year's resolutions. While there is certainly nothing wrong with the "lose twenty pounds" type promises, please also remember to include others when considering the upcoming year. All we ask is that you what you can. If you already contribute to charity, please try to dig deep and include a modest increase. For sure, 2010 was hard enough for those who found their incomes slashed, or were victims of other tragedies, but remember, if you are reading this, there are people in far worse positions. Consider also that your contribution to charity does not have to be strictly monetary; donations of time and talent are also sorely needed and would be greatly appreciated. Thank you, and we wish you the happiest and most magical of New Years.

Philabundance
Steve Martin's Holiday Wish

Better than the Song by Zack Attack

Today we celebrate the 25th anniversary of crucial Sunday comic Calvin and Hobbes. At this point, Calvin and Hobbes has been gone longer than it was with us as an active strip, but it remains unparalleled in its juxtaposition of juvenile humor with legitimate social criticism. But most of all, it was a bridge that joined parents and children and help them understand one another just a little bit better. We were all reminded of the infinite possibilities that Calvin represented, those dreams that we stretched to attain, and the forces that would bring us back down to reality.

Who in 1985 could have guessed that the exploits of a boy and his stuffed tiger could speak so clearly to so many people; that thousands upon thousands of readers would be united in finding little bits and pieces of their lives mirrored in those three little boxes in the funny pages. We each have our own Hobbes--the full time foil (but part time snake charmer) for Calvin's antics; the straight man to ground us when our minds run a little too wild, and egg us on when we need to learn a lesson for our own good. Calvin and Hobbes, as characters, had a relationship with qualities from both brotherhood and friendship. Together, they involved themselves in any number of imaginative projects: parenthood approval polls, avant-garde snow sculptures, harrowing toboggan/Radio Flyer rides down hills and off cliffs, the exaggerated adventures of Spaceman Spiff/Tracer Bullet/Stupendous Man, epic battles of Calvinball, run ins with Rosalyn the baby sitter, or simply contemplating the complex world of grown ups. These are all things that we grapple with growing up, in one manner or another. Everyone has their version of Saturday mornings, jacked up on Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, reading Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooie. And who didn't join at least one version of G.R.O.S.S. in middle school, to ensure that the object of our affection thought that their mere presence would induce vomiting.

For his part, writer/illustrator Bill Watterson always made a big deal about protecting his creation from being tainted. He refused to sign autographs, or even really do interviews, claiming that both would trivialize what he (and many others) saw as precious. None of the copious amounts of Calvin merchandise is authorized by Watterson. That includes those frat boy tee shirts with the eponymous characters dancing in shades and PJs, and the hick stickers of Calvin pissing on the Chevy logo (or Ford, depending on your particular automotive leanings). In fact, the only official Calvin and Hobbes products, besides the books, are two monthly calenders (1989 & 1990), one tee shirt created in a run of one for the MOMA, and an educational book, Teaching with Calvin and Hobbes, which is long out of print and sells for several hundred dollars if you are lucky enough to find one for sale.

Calvin and Hobbes is unique in that, in its ten years of existence, it was always consistently funny, touching, whimsical, philosophical and endearing. It never dipped in quality. You can read and re-read the collections and they are still just as humorous and relevant as ever. We can still learn just as much from those familiar panels, see our own lives reflected back at us and find comfort in that. And even through there will probably never be new Calvin and Hobbes comic, we can just remember what we once had and how good it was. That doesn't make it mean any less. True friends are hard to come by.

Back to the Basics (Unnecessarily)

The Queers
Back to the Basement
Asian Man Records, Released November 16, 2010

This isn't really a bad release. Really--it sounds pretty much the same as most previous Queers albums. However, for a full length that is only 22 minutes long, Back to the Basement seems to be unnecessarily bogged down by filler. Had the Queers stripped it down to the most essential songs, this would have been a stellar six or seven song EP. "Don't Touch My Hat," "Keep it Punk," "I Knew GG when he was a Wimp," and the title track are all quality tunes, though they are certainly not breaking any new ground here. (When have the Queers ever changed their sound, though? Everything from 1990's Grow Up forward has been based on a pretty simply formula that has always worked for Joe Queer.) However, this album as a whole is flawed by lazy lyrics and a total lack of production quality. Again, the Queers have never had great production, but this sounds so raw that you have to wonder if there was anything done to these tracks following recording. With just a little more attention to the drumming and a tiny bit of extra effort put into the backing vocals, Back to the Basement would be a little less embarrassing. Basically, if you already love the Queers, this record is probably going to appeal to you. If this is your first experience with these grandfathers of pop punk, you should disregard this one and start with one of their classic albums--Love Songs for the Retarded or Beat Off would be my suggestions. These guys are making their annual appearance at the Barbary in January, so be sure to catch that. Show up early and shake your ass to NJ's own the Sheckies and the Apers (all the way from Holland!), both guaranteed to please if you are into that sort of thing.

the Queers
the Apers
the Sheckies
Asian Man Records
R5 Productions (for tix to the Barbary!)

Not Quiet Hearse Disorder, but Close

We can't hide the fact that our musical bias here at I Hope You're not Squeamish obviously leans towards the punk side of things. However, most of the people we associate with can't stand that kind of stuff. Included in that are our musician friends, who are constantly creating bands that expose us to music that we might not come across on our own.

You may remember back a little while ago where we profiled electronic duo Valerna, we admitted almost total ignorance of the genre and simply presented an honest assessment from an outsider's perspective. So it will also be with this installment, a review of NYC industrial/goth trio Limousine Syndrome. Let's quickly clarify that when we use the dreaded "g" word, we don't mean any of the postured, overly dramatic antics or costumes. Instead, Limousine Syndrome does the genre proud by employing a bleak and minimalist guitar sound paired with a unnerving, yet still soothing, voice, backed by deceptively simple programing and keys. This is a desolate, atmospheric experience. In other words, you aren't going to jam this on the way to the beach, but it is perfect for late night drives, periods of creative concentration or maybe even intense Ouija board sessions. "Little Mermaids" is probably the most compelling track that they have released so far. Its constant beat keeps the song moving forward and concludes with some interesting spoken word. "Covered in Leaves" and "Love to Hurt You" are both reminiscent of the quieter Nine Inch Nails songs, particularly "Leaves" with it's super creepy piano line. All of the tunes are linked by their intentionally arid approach.

These guys have a show coming up in NYC this weekend, Friday the 5th at Port 41. They are playing with some other goth/industrial/genre bending acts, but this is really a mixed bag of performers. We would recommend that you show up early to see Quimera Music, as she is certainly the other strong act on the bill. The boys in Syndrome promise us that they have an EP in the works that will be ready in the near future. In the meantime, you can check out their official webpage or their Reverb Nation site to hear some tunes, watch their video and keep an eye out for future shows. For fans of Pornography/Faith/Seventeen Seconds era Cure, Dead Can Dance, tragedy and isolation.

Limousine Syndrome
Limousine Syndrome Reverb Nation
Port 41

Quit Hoggin' the Covers!

Set times and the order of performers was unclear to me, so I was unsure how early to show up at the North Star Bar on Tuesday night. The show was sold out long in advance, so I knew no matter when I got there, it was bound to be packed. But it was a nice night out, so I headed out with enough time to ensure sure that I would not miss Teenage Bottlerocket, even if they played first. I had written off Reno, NV's Cobra Skulls as nonsense and had little to no intent on watching their set, but was glad that had I showed up early and they started playing several minutes later. The first fifteen minutes were great, real rockabilly type punk, with the stampeding drums and galloping bass lines. I was shocked at how much the country tinged tunes appealed to me. Following the barn burners, they slowed the pace down for a few minutes with some (comparatively) mellow, ska/reggae influenced tunes. They seemed to be unable to recover after that, and just kind of lost their groove which made their last few songs forgettable. I don't know that I could listen to a whole album by these guys, but they were entertaining live and I wouldn't be disappointed to see them open up another show in the future.

PS--What ever they pay their drummer, they should double it. Hands down, best percussionist of the night.

Up next were my inspiration for attending, Laramie, Wyoming's Teenage Bottlerocket. I hadn't seen Bottlerocket since they were on tour for 2005's Total and were supporting the Eyeliners. Unfortunately for them, not much has changed since then despite crafting two more rock solid full lengths. I was surprised that the crowd was not more into them given that their popularity would seem to have risen over the last few years. Fat Mike has certainly done right by these guys; NOFX has taken them on tour at least once or twice and Fat Wreck Chords promoted the shit out of They Came from the Shadows when it was released. However, Teenage Bottlerocket seems destined to be a perpetual opener. Sigh, always a bridesmaid... They played fast as hell, packing approximately a million songs into a half hour set, blazing through all their major "hits"--"Skate or Die," "In the Basement," "Blood Bath at Burger King," "Bigger than Kiss." (And a Bad Religion cover, in keeping with the night's theme) None the less, there were a lot of on lookers, at least compared with Cobra Skulls, so hopefully a few were converted by their stellar performance.

Since it was a "school night," my buddy and I left it up 'til last minute whether we would stay for headliners Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies. I didn't need to be completely useless the next to to see what is essentially punk karaoke of songs that you might normally be embarrassed to admit you like. But we were feeling energetic following Teenage Bottlerocket, so we figured, why not? But what is there really to say about seeing a cover band? It was fun and silly and better than most Tuesday nights. The songs were double timed (for the most part), with lots of retarded stage banter in between. Highlights included "Me and Julio Down by the School Yard," "Country Roads," "Blowing in the Wind," "Somewhere over the Rainbow," and "Rocket Man." I personally was disappointed that not one of the Barry Manilow covers made the list, but oh well. Since I didn't even know when I showed up if I would stay at all, I figure I have no room to complain. (Except about the guy behind me who kept shouting for Lagwagon songs. Really? Lagwagon? Not NOFX or Swingin' Udders? Lagwagon. OK, dude.) All in all, a fun night, particularly since the Gimmie Gimmies don't tour all that often.

PPS--I spotted Michael McDerrmont, drummer of the world famous Bouncing Souls punk rock band, which was extra cool. Jersey!

Up the Punx! (Social Security Checks)

Here is your limited time opportunity to get your hands on the new Face of Face single, "Should Anything go Wrong." The release of this single is probably just to calm down super fans (like myself) who have visiting their website daily in hopes of the long promised, fall release date of Laugh Now, Laugh Later, their first full length since 2002. Laugh Now, presumably being released on frontman Trevor Keith's Antagonist Records, has been pushed back to early 2011 (nicely coinciding with Face to Face's 20 year anniversary). If this lead single is a sign of things to come, we may see something a little different from the southern Cali crew. "Should Anything go Wrong" is much darker than your typical Face to Face fare, taking some of the more aggressive sounds off How to Ruin Everything and mixing them with the melancholy pessimism of Ignorance is Bliss. When lead vocalist Trevor Keith is singing, it sounds, lyrically and melodically, pretty par for the course, but musically, this almost sounds like it could almost be a Bronx song. As always, there is that intricate, Descendents inspired bass line, but gone are the echo laden, open, high toned guitars. Replacing that is a super fast, deeper, more driven guitar sound. It sounds like Keith has taken on the backing vocals as well, a change from previous albums. Of course, this is only one song and may in no way resemble the rest of the album cuts, but so far as singles go, this one's pretty solid. Perhaps Face to Face is adding a little stronger edge on this reunion effort, and that wouldn't necessarily be bad. Side note: Keith was on LA Ink to get tattooed with this phrase by Corey Miller, who also did the album art for Laugh Now, Laugh Later. Miller is also apparently responsible for the album title. Interesting. When the album is out, check back here for a full review.

If you have two minutes (literally) and nothing better to do, the world famous Queers punk rock music group has two tracks from their upcoming full length streaming on their myspace page. Seriously, for a band that have approximately 23,654 albums (most of which have the same 30 songs on them), both of their new tracks are under a minute long. "I Knew GG when he was a Wimp" is certainly the stronger and more creative of the two. Joe Queer once again name drops the Rat, the long defunct, but mucho beloved Boston punk club, and gives us his account of "how it really was." "Fucked in the Head" is just a dirty, throw away tune, nothing particularly memorable. Oh well. Back to the Basement, due out in a couple of weeks on Asian Man Records, could be a pretty short, snotty album if these tracks are any indication. Again, a full review to follow its release.

Also, Ben Weasel contributed an interesting piece to Carson Daly's show about panic attacks and agoraphobia. Also appearing on Carson Daly, Off!, Keith Morris' (of Black Flag and Circle Jerks) new band that sounds suspiciously like Black Flag in a good way. Off! have a boxed set of their 7"s coming out in November on Vice Records complete with cover art by Raymond Pettibon, who did much of the most iconic Black Flag imagery. Preorder from Interpunk, and you get a free button and patch. Get your hands on this; it's pretty vital. Not a bad week for old punkers. (and apparently Carson Daly too!)

Face to Face
The Queers
Asian Man Records
Ben Weasel on Carson Daly
Off!
Interpunk

Pitbulls and the Women who Love Them

In the on deck circle, our good friends at Pinups for Pitbulls. They have a serious event happening in the not too far future that anyone and everyone should attend. Saturday, October 23rd, they are holding one of their Pitbull Awareness Day seminars. In addition, this event will be the release party to celebrate the annual retro-model/bully-breed monthly calendar. This is going to be kind of big deal around here.

Originally slated as an all day event at a gentleman's club in south Philly, this has been moved to Shampoo Nightclub (North 8th Street and Willow, near the Electric Factory), and has been divided into two events. The first is an all ages event from 1PM to 4PM and will feature speakers, pinup girls, art, adoptable animals and of course, PfP's world famous bully-breed calendar. The night time part of this shin dig is 21+ and features some of the area's best known burlesque dancers/models and is being hosted by Shorty and Hercules of Animal Planet's Pit Boss. The ladies of PfP go way back with Shorty and his rescue (they were featured on the premier episode) and between the drinks, food and ladies, this party for a cause promises to be a good time for all who attend.

Besides rehoming bully-breed dogs in need, one of the most important issues that Pinups for Pitbulls pursues is campaigning against breed specific legislation. BSL are laws and ordinances, usually at the town/city level, that make illegal or restrict ownership of certain types of dogs. The problem with blanket legislation is that it punishes docile, well behaved, trained and friendly animals based solely on their breed. Furthermore, there is little evidence that this is even effective in preventing attacks, since small dogs are just as likely to bite. (Though, admittedly, a Chihuahua is less likely to do major damage. Hence why there are statistics and reports of Pitbull attacks, but not so much on hostile 12 pound breeds. Just because it doesn't make the five o'clock news doesn't mean that some of those pocket pet pooches aren't capable of inflicting pain.) Furthermore, BSL just furthers the myth that Pits, Rotties, Dobermans, etc. are naturally more dangerous dog, when there is absolutely no evidence to back this up.

Please, if your place of residence is considering this type of action, educate yourself about the reality of the situation, and encourage your local government to punish the crime, not the breed. (Or even dogs that simply look "vicious." Often times German Shepherds, Bulldogs, Mastiffs, etc. are swept into the "Pitbull" category, along with mutts of all descriptions.) Pinups for Pitbulls can provide you with copious amounts of information on the topic, both at their awareness seminar on the 23rd and through their website.

Pinups for Pitbulls
ASPCA info on Breed Specific Legislation

Nocturnal Aves and Cinema

Night Birds
Midnight Movies EP
No Way Records, released October 2010

This quick, low fi EP represents everything that makes a great four track punk record. The snotty, obnoxious vocals are loud and fast, and at times border on out of control. Though the guitar warbles like Dick Dale's, Night Birds neatly avoid the surf rock cliches that seem to be rising in popularity. (And declining in quality; let's face it, whenever a specific sub-genre becomes popular, there are only ever a handful of bands that do it well, just look at Celtic/Irish punk.)

On Midnight Movies, these young men from New Jersey/New York blend a very capable rhythm section with lyrics that are an overt homage to classic B-movie culture. The super bouncy bass and active drumming are the flawless back drop for tunes about chopping up bodies, blood and gore, and sci-fi daydreams. Night Birds manage to employ a nice variety in song structure. Even though there is a semblance of verse-chorus-verse, lyrically they keep things varied. Considering all four songs total less than six minutes, who wants to hear the chorus twice anyway? Like many bands of their ilk, Night Birds' smarter-than-your average-bear lyrics are hidden behind postured idiocy. Well done. For fans of Descendents, the Vandals, Showcase Showdown.

Two chances to see these guys in the near future, but Squeamies from Philly will have to take a trip over to the Asbury Lanes in Jersey to catch the madness. Saturday, October 23rd and Thursday, November 18th. Check out their facebook page for a little more details about the shows and the soon to be released Midnight Movies EP. Do yourself a favor--pick up this record and prepare to get infected.

Night Birds (facebook, for info and tourdates)
Night Birds (myspace, to listen to some of their older tracks)
No Way Records
Asbury Lanes

Thoughts on 9.11

Nine years gone by and it's still at the front of everyone's mind when we hear a plane flying lower than normal. 108 months we have spent worrying about al-Qaeda, anthrax, Abu Ghraib, enemy combatants in Guantanamo, the cost and supply of oil, and the safety of our friends and loved ones deployed in military service. 468 weeks we have spent planning, executing and analyzing our military actions in Afghanistan and, unfortunately, Iraq. 3285 days in which we have had the opportunity to make researched, educated decisions for our own protection and to benefit the global community.

Yet even after all that time, the ignorance and knee-jerk reactions to Muslim people, people who are simply of Middle Eastern descent, and people who may just look like they are from that part of the world has probably increased. Prior to September 11th, I think that most people thought little to nothing about the Middle East. Our first war in Iraq was a distant, hazy memory to the general public and only a small percentage of the population had ever heard of Osama bin Laden. Now all of this is common knowledge, but the spread of misinformation, truth tainted by emotion and outright lies has dominated the headlines and airwaves and the hearts and minds of the majority of our citizens.

Take, for example just the last few months and weeks. Terry Jones (who I refused to dignify with the title of Reverend) and his dingbat church in Florida love America so much that they want to burn 200 copies of the Qur'an on 9.11, despite being warned by the military and by the secretary of state and the President that this will result in retaliation against Americans abroad. Way to go, numb-nuts. That is some true patriotism if ever I saw it. Now this class "A" loon is in NYC to see what he can do to influence that particular situation.

Could we remember that it was a perception of us as intolerant that lead the Islamic extremists (some need reminding that these were not your average, everyday Muslims that perpetrated the attacks) to careen into Manhattan. Could we look back on this tragic day and use it as an opportunity to heal wounds and remember that we are all human beings who need to treat each other with respect and understanding? Could we possibly, just for once, take the high road and not stoop to the same reactionary bullshit that facilitated this event in the first place? No no no no no. Instead, we are going to look like a bunch of ignoramuses who are unable to embrace anything outside our own experience.

With that in mind, we here at I Hope You're not Squeamish say build mosques in NYC. Build them 100 stories tall and thirty city blocks wide. What better way to say to the world, "We know that the individuals associated with 9/11 are not representative of the Muslim world in general." There is no doubt that this will not sit well with some survivors of the September 11th attacks or their families or their friends. There will be some hostility and some deeply hurt feelings and all those feelings are perfectly justified. No one, not President Obama, not Mayor Bloomberg, not ol' Mikey Squeamish wants to do anything to diminish or tarnish the memories of those who died in New York, Washington DC and Shanksville, Pennsylvania.

But I can think of no fate better for Ground Zero than to be shrine, a beacon that shines throughout the United States and the world, for tolerance, understanding and peace. Despite the fact that our President and most of our government urge the American public to use today to reflect on the tragedy of September 11th, 2001, and to use those feelings to try to rekindle the spirit of unity we all felt that afternoon, we are only as strong as our weakest parts. If what the world sees are a group of Americans that are united by a blind hatred of Islam, a slice of the citizenry that uses 9/11 to perpetuate racism and bigotry, that will continue to be our legacy. Is that how we want our children and our children's children to remember us?

I would argue that in the course of American history, September 11th may go down as a more influential event than Pearl Harbor, the two of which it is almost impossible not to compare. However, following Pearl Harbor, the United States entered into the already on going World War II, with the full support of its citizens and the approval of most of our allies. 9/11 has only seen the country more deeply divided than ever--Tea Party versus bleeding heart, red state versus blue state, the richest of the rich versus the the poorest of the poor. George W. Bush and Barack Obama will both be remembered as controversial Presidents that were detested by half the country.

We must, must, must move forward from here. When the 10th anniversary comes around next year, the whole world will be watching. We must choose our words and actions wisely and be an example for people everywhere that from the ashes of tragedy can come true unity, and that patriotism is not an excuse for hatred and ignorance, but a path that leads to the benefit of all.

Summer Breeze Makes Me Feel Fine

Dry Feet
Philadelphia Beach
Self Released 2010

Zoltan predicts an indian summer thanks to Philadelphia surf punks, Dry Feet. Their debut album, Philadelphia Beach, is a must for all you rocking baggies while you're out shooting the curl. These dudes are straight out of the garage, devoid of any pretension or sense of irony. They are just putting out some good time tunes to inspire good times. Comprised predominately of jangly instrumentals mixed wisely with a couple of up tempo punk tunes, Philadelphia Beach may not be breaking any new ground here. But Dry Feet stick with what they know and since most songs clock in at under two minutes, even the less memorable songs work. As it's name suggests, "Slow Baby Slow" is the quiet tune on this record, a nice little jaded ditty about losin' your main squeeze. "I Can't Believe I Ate the Whole Thing" is a rockin' ode to excess. Add in a few made up monikers and an excellent, classic looking, surf inspired logo, and you have the best summer record released this summer. This shit was done on a budget and they are still givin' it away for free. Find these guys when they play near you. Hang Ten!

Dry Feet

Sowing the Seeds of Utopia

It's official. After much hype and rumor surrounding their shared bill at Chicago's Riot Fest, Bad Religion will be bringing their 30th Anniversary tour Philly's way when they play the Electric Factory with none other that New Jersey's Bouncing Souls opening up. The show isn't until October 19th, but that just gives you more time to spike your 'hawk just right and get your bondage pants dry cleaned 'cause this is gonna be punk as shit. Bad Religion just put out the free 30 Years Live album and have a full length set to be released in September, pretty productive for a band older than many of their fans. Mr. Greg will have both of his books for sale on this tour (they are available as a package with the new album, ch-ch-check out their website); he is a PhD as well as a college professor so learn yourself something! Also on this tour are Off with their Heads (who may or may not officially have an exclamation point in their name) who are just so, so average despite the hype they have gotten recently. Look, I'm not trying to bash on OWTH here, because they are probably better than average, but there are a slew of bands that are doing the earnest, gruff, hard drinkin' sound these days and it just makes it so much less appealing. Anyway, that just means a little extra time for cocktails in the balcony before the Bouncing Souls take the stage and destroy the place and Bad Religion plays amongst the rubble. Want to save a few dollars on tix? If you pay cash at the box office, there are no service charges! Have fun!

Bad Religion
the Bouncing Souls
the Electric Factory

More like "Bore-ophyl"

So maybe yer ole pal Mikey Squeamish is behind the times a little bit, but this whole "Retrosexual" deal has got to be stopped cold in its tracks before it gets too big for its britches. For those even further behind than myself, "Retrosexual" is a movement that seeks to reclaim a sense of manliness, based on lessons from bygone eras when masculinity was a given and men knew how to dress, fix/create with their own two hands and just generally be "men". Now, you would think that this kind of thing would be right up my alley, and nine times out of ten you would be dead right, but this shit has caught me kind of off guard, and it pisses me off for two reasons. Primarily, I see this as biting my style and outlook, one that I have practiced in varying degrees for many years now. However, I am also highly suspect of the motivations of both the authors and proponents of this lifestyle.

Retrosexual seems to be pretty much spearheaded by nutsack in training, Brett McKay. Mr. McKay is the author of, and seems to be the primary webvoice of, The Art of Manliness. It seems to me, in my opinion, that Mr. Brett is not really the "man's man" that he purports to be, but is really just a fashionista who happens to like classic '50's clothing. No matter how many black and white pictures of guys with waxed mustashes or drawings ripped from pulp comics decorate the site, A of M is still just fashion commentary, like an issue of Esquire or GQ or Details. This shit just reeks of pretension and elitism. Look dude, everyone likes "Mad Men" and wants chicks like that redhead to dig them, but get off your high horse and just admit that you like the clothes.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that this movement is all wrong. As I said earlier, I do identify with many of the concepts presented. Papa Squeamish is for sure a "man's man" and I don't feel that I will ever be able to live up to his reputation, as much as I may try. In Fight Club, Tyler Durdin says, "We are a generation of men raised by women." This is true. Men currently in their twenties and thirties, as this is most assuredly who "Retrosexual" is aimed at, are, in large part, a bunch of softies. We are the first generation of men who did not, as a whole, serve in wartime. Large portions of this generation were raised with the notion that toy guns lead to adult violence and that playing cowboys and indians was insensitive. Our dads were kind enough not to beat the living shit out of us when we misbehaved. So, yeah, we could use some toughening up; there is no doubt or argument about this.

However, when we look back at our fathers and grandfathers and the epitome of masculinity that they set, we must remember that they did not become that way be reading a magazine or visiting a website or watching youtube videos. They knew how to fix the family Chrysler because on Saturday morning they got up early, cut the grass and then went out and started taking apart the engine until they discovered the problem. Then they went to the autoparts store, used the guide book to find the necessary filter, plug, ring etc., went home, and put the car back together. They knew not to wear white socks with a suit because who in fuck's name would do that? They carried pocket knives because they were acutally fixing things with them, not because they wanted to look cool when they emptied their pockets. PS--You can't even carry a pocket knife many places these days anyway, so put that shit in your desk or whatever and it might actually serve a purpose.

Ok, so this is really up to you to decide for yourself. Check out their website, or the book, and see what appeals to you. Like I said, there are some actual well written, informative articles scattered on the site (see, for example: Foil Packet Recipes for the Campfire). Then, you can either embrace this "lifestyle" which will no doubt leave you well dressed and well mannered and prepared should you ever have to engage in an impromptu boxing match. Or, you can take your time, develop a style that is actually your own, be an individual and a real man to your family and friends. Your choice.

The Art of Manliness

Bomb (from) the Suburbs

Hipster hip hop heads in Philly should be stoked, as the kind folks at R5 are putting on two awesome and one reasonable rap shows in the next ten days. On Tuesday, emotional MC Cage takes the stage at the First Unitarian Church. In some of his promo shots, he is wearing a black on black suit and has Justin Bieber hair, but we shouldn't hold that against the dude, 'cause he does put out a hot track every once in a while. Plus, he is playing with a hardcore band from Connecticut, so it should keep things interesting. The next night, Wednesday the 14th, former Defintive Jux head honcho El-P is taking his off kilter rhythms to Johnny Brenda's for a super intimate performance. As a label chief, Mr. Producto was constantly contributing beats and guest rhymes on every MC's album he put out, to the point that is was almost distracting. However, El-P has always been stronger when he is doing his own thing, be it his solo material or when he was in Company Flow. Opening is Blockhead (probably best known as producer extraordinaire for Aesop Rock), whose beats have grown steadily more reliable as time has progressed. His DJ set is not to be missed if you are attending. Finally, looking ahead to the next week, the First Uni is once again invaded by backpack hip hoppers when duo Eyedea & Abilities set up shop Monday the 19th. E & A have never been the most prolific rap group, but there is no doubting their talent and they are somewhat famous for being able to recreate, an often exceed, their tracks in a live setting. As anyone who has spent a reasonable amount of time at hip hop shows knows, even the best MC's suffer on stage as they are unable reproduce the ideas from their records on the stage. Since these are all R5 shows, we as always recommend that you procure your duty free tickets from AKA Music, North 2nd Street in Old City. Keep it gully!

R5 Productions
Cage
El-Producto
Blockhead
Eyedea & Abilities

So Long Virginia, I'm too Old for You

The Gaslight Anthem
American Slang
SideOneDummy Records, released June 15, 2010

On their third full length, New Jersey's Gaslight Anthem have managed to distill the sound they started several years ago. On this record, they took everything that they were going for on Sink or Swim and '59 Sound, the jangling guitars, gruff vocals, lyrical references to small town life, and put together what may be a more composed album, but one that has lost its sense of urgency and replaced it with over confidence. Gaslight have always said that they don't want to be pigeon holed as an Americana punk band, and they successfully move away from the elements of punk on their previous albums. This time around, their songs pay musical homage not only to Bruce and Tom Petty, but also Paul Simon and Van Morrison (and maybe even a little U2?). Best examples, "the Diamond Church Street Choir" and "the Queen of Lower Chelsea," the bridge of which sounds like their take of Simon and Garfunkel's "the Boxer." (Not to be confused with "Boxer," track seven on American Slang.) Guitarist Alex Rosamilia really steps it up a notch on this record, more experimental and more balanced with Ben Horowitz's drums, which are not so thunderous this time around. But there are still tunes that are classic Gaslight: the title track, "Orphans" and "Old Haunts." Anyone who enjoyed the first few releases from this band is sure to find a connection to the new album.

To their detriment, vocalist/lyricist Brian Fallon has taken his "old soul" personality a little bit too far. The record is laden with references to "when we were young" and "the days of our youth." Fallon is about 30 years old (maybe not even). I know, both from personal experience and from watching my friends, that it is common at that age to really reflect on your experiences and feel like life is quickly catching up with you. It is also true that Gaslight have gotten famous by singing songs that are intentionally throwbacks, but there is a distinct difference between embracing a retro sound and actually sounding old, especially when you are not.

However, Gaslight has never had a problem with slightly repetitive lyrics (how many songs on the first two full lengths and the e.p. talk about Maria and/or Virginia?) and, in fact, that consistency has actually worked to their advantage so far, establishing a specific "sound" for the Anthem despite their relatively short existence. American Slang is certainly the right balance of building upon their reputation and moving it in a new direction. They neither deviate too far from what is expected nor do they simply rehash what they have already accomplished. It will be interesting to see what is in store for these Jersey boys. Zoltan predicts an official Brian Fallon solo, acoustic record, and a more high profile guest appearance on the band's next album.

Shake my Tomb

Deftones
Diamond Eyes
Reprise Records, released May 25, 2010

Sacramento's Deftones have absolutely crushed it once again with another solid, solid release. Let's face it, the Deftones just do not write bad music, ever. Deftones probably hold court as the only band who, when their new album is released and the inevitable tour ensures, I say, "They could play nothing but this newest album at the show and I would be satisfied."

Good gravy, this shit is heavy as hell, with those numbingly down tuned guitars that dominate the Deftones' sound, and vocalist Chino Moreno's sexually soothing taunts alternated with his impossibly inhuman screams and yelps. Keyboardist/turntableist/sampler Frank Delgado gives a really standout effort on this record. Tracks like "You've Seen the Butcher" just slink along your inner thigh, Delgado's steady and evenhanded influence keeping the chugging, repetitive guitar line moving up your leg. In a lesser band's hands, "Prince" would be a boring hardcore song, but the Deftones opt for a weird guitar harmonic and balance it against a heavy riff, turning it into a nice psych metal tune.

Anyone who has been hanging in there with the Deftones' experimenting over the last few albums is going to be pleased, as there is decidedly more focus and ambition on Diamond Eyes. For those that saw White Pony as their Sgt. Pepper or Dark Side, well, you might want to reconsider rejoining the ranks of devotees because the Deftones have once again taken their warped view out on 11 songs. With more purpose and cohesion than they have been able to harness since Around the Fur, Chino and the other delinquents in the Deftones have distilled their love of contorted melancholy into forty minutes of piercing contradictions.

As alluded to earlier, Deftones are back out on the road to promote the new songs. However, whoever booked them on the posthumous Alice in Chains tour ought to have his brains bashed in immediately. I don't know what would possibly possess a manager to recommend this as a good move the band, but he or she obviously suffers from some perverted world view and should be locked away as a danger to society. It does put the Deftones into some venues that they probably couldn't swing alone, but who the fuck wants to see they play at dusk in some arena or amphitheater? I mean, the first song on Around the Fur is about how much they hate the sun, for christ's sake. Deftones shows show be strictly limited to dark, indoor places, so that the atmosphere can match the hopeless, desolate landscape that is Deftones' music. With that said, the stupid Alice in Chains/Deftones tour stop is at the Camden indoor/outdoor place in late September. If you do choose to go to this, definitely show up early to catch Mastodon's set as the early openers. Couldn't this show be just Deftones and Mastodon and be at the E-Factory so that it won't cost $75??!!

Genesis 1:29

If you're among the lucky, today is a bonus extension of the weekend, so use some of your extra time to be proactive and create. Using any outdoor space you have access to, take an hour or two to pot some plants. Ornamental gardening is nice, but if possible, planting some consumables is even better. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. Even if you are just growing herbs in a terra cotta jar, there is something so much more rewarding when you add that taste to you dinner, knowing that you nurtured it with your own hands. City dwellers, you can do this too, provided you have even minimal access to some outside space--a porch, patio, rooftop or balcony. Tomatoes can be grown in large containers, though admittedly, they taste better when grown out of the ground. Hot peppers are definitely doable in a city garden. (Last year, I harvested so many scotch bonnets that I was giving them away to virtually anyone stupid enough visit my apartment. I ate them with every dinner, destroyed my tongue and couldn't pet my cats for weeks because the scorching heat stuck to my fingers for hours afterward, and usually into the next day, no matter how hard I scrubbed.) Even strawberries can be done in a super large window box. For those of you with no outdoor space to use, I have seen those hydroponic herb gardens flourish in many a dark, dank city apartment.

A garden will require some time each day for proper maintenance to ensure maximum yield. Especially if you are growing in containers, you will probably have to water twice a day, though it will take some time to figure out exact water levels for each of you plants. Remember to read the tag carefully for sun exposure and how large a container you need. If your plants need upkeep like deadheading or pruning, make sure that you keep on top of that. Proper drainage is key as well; a layer of stones can be used for pots without holes in the bottom. We would also encourage you to ask the nursery where you are buying your plants for their recommendations on soil additives like bonemeal, peat or manure and plant food. Though sometimes costly, they will significantly improve your harvest, both in terms of quality and quantity.

Numerous are the benefits of growing your own food. From a 75 cent plant, you can gather a significant amount of basil that you would have to buy at the supermarket. Pesto junkies, listen up, this is a serious monetary consideration. By growing your own produce, you also get control what goes into it. No more genetically engineered, wax and pesticide drenched veggies for you. Also, just as with buying from local farmer's markets, home grown food requires significantly less transportation, thereby reducing its carbon footprint.

Remember that this is supposed to be a fun project. If this is your first time gardening, start small. There is no point in overwhelming yourself with plants that you have difficulty maintaining or in taking on so many plants that you are stressed out. A few pots of pansies and a couple of herbs are an excellent way to test out your green thumb. Here are a few resources that you can use to help you along your way. Don't be intimidated by some of the amazing city gardens linked. Like any hobby, it takes years to be as proficient as some of these masters. Patience, grasshopper.

National Gardening Association
Better Homes and Gardens
New York City Garden
My City Garden (Jersey City)

Checkerboard Charity

The crossroads of music and activism is among our favorite topics here at I Hope You're not Squeamish. So we are pleased to present to you Skanking and Moshing for a Cause. Out of King of Prussia, PA, 18 year old Evan Garo (sometimes Phoenix) is keeping basement shows alive in the suburbs and, as their name suggests, proceeds from all their events and releases are dedicated to charity. In his senior year of high school, Evan held two shows in his parents' basement to complete his senior graduation project. The money made from one went to help his folks purchase a ramp for Evan's wheelchair bound father, who has Multiple Sclerosis. The other show's door fees, $350, were donated to the National M.S. Society. Last month, Skanking and Moshing for a Cause put out a 26 song benefit cd featuring tracks by 26 different bands, many of them from the Philly area and a decent amount picked from Garo's own backyard in the suburbs west and north of the city.

This is exactly what we love to see. Young people keeping it local, trying to put something positive together using the resources available to them, and then turning around and reinvesting in society instead of themselves. Evan is passionate about DIY shows and said that there are a few halls and churches out near him that are supportive of homegrown music, but the events are usually indie rock or cover band oriented. By hosting the event himself, Garo can make sure that punk and ska bands can have a well coordinated, smooth running event that draws a decent crowd. Skanking/Moshing hopes to book other events in the future, this time setting their sights on the plight of child soldiers in Africa. He admits that he is aiming high, but is quick to point out that even his small contribution affects the kids who go to his shows and hopefully that effect ripples out.

Garo and Skanking and Moshing for a Cause balances high hopes with measure of realistic goals and pragmatism. While he wants to book benefit shows at bars and real clubs, he is willing to book shows in basements, even his own, for as long as it takes for the word to spread. His sampler is a homemade CD-R and the art is photocopied 'zine style, but he has aspirations for a second benefit disc with more professional presentation. His PMA is pretty inspiring. And its contagious. Based solely on some limited web promotion and word of mouth, the shows that Skanking/Moshing threw brought together well over a dozen bands (over the two nights, all of which donated their time and talent), a couple of hundred dollars that was donated to charity, and gave 50 or so kids something positive to do with their weekend. Not too shabby for an 18 year old kid trying it out for the first time.

The best part is, the music is not even terrible. Garo's tastes obviously are weighted towards the ska and reggae inspired punk and he manages to avoid the terrible, terrible hardcore that dominates so many basement shows. Not every band on the benefit CD is a winner, but there were some nice surprises in there, with a couple of two-tone styled bands that obviously know the history of their sub genre, and can really play tunes that are genuinely rockin' steady. If you don't like horns, this sampler isn't going to be for you, but with an open mind, and only 5 bucks that will be donated to a good cause, you can hear a couple of bands that will be playing (and some that already do), legitimate venues in Philly. In particular, be on the lookout for the Sheckies, the Mahlors and the Heavy Beat, all featured on the Skanking/Moshing comp, at a club/basement near you.

We wish Skanking and Moshing for a Cause the best of luck. For an organization that is still just a puppy with room to grow, they seem to have a pretty good head on their shoulders. We here at I Hope You're not Squeamish can't wait to see what else Evan and his crew of bands are able to put together in the future. Please check out their myspace page for more information on upcoming shows, releases and other charitable events. Also, we will second Skanking/Moshing's suggestions that you support both the National MS Society and UNICEF for the freedom of child soldiers in Africa and world wide. Both of these organizations do good work that benefits thousands of people--the victims of these tragic circumstances and their families.

Skanking and Moshing for a Cause

National Multiple Sclerosis Society

UNICEF

Vote for Whoever...

Ok, the primaries are over, so take your damn campaign signs down. Seriously, where is the responsibility of either the candidates or the staff/volunteers that put up these eyesores? You care enough about your community (whether that be local, state or national community) to put up political statements all over the place in hopes that your messiah will get elected to office and fix the problems that are important to you. Ok, I understand that and fully support your freedom of speech. But now that the ballots have been cast and you were either successful or not, take that shit down. You are doing nothing but being a blight on your neighborhood by leaving those cheap cardboard placards around. Or, if you are truly too lazy to undo what you have done, how about creating a job or two by hiring someone to take them down for you? Though personally I think that you are fouling up your town by erecting the signs every foot and a half on the grassy median down the middle of big roads, I'm not trying to be a nazi or anything. You have something to say, so say it. But be an adult and take it down in an appropriate time frame. I'm just sayin'.

Protect Philly Art

Help! Philly's art scene is in desperate need of your help. Several city council members have introduced legislation for approval that would significantly hinder promoter's and venue's efforts to throw low cost, DIY, last minute or informally organized events. While there is nothing inherently wrong with the city council's interest in the safety of its art patrons, the bill goes overboard with regulation to which many of the smaller art galleries and concert spaces could not realistically adhere. The proposed bill would require at least 30 days notice for all events, very stringent regulations on a laundry list of alcohol and security plans, and almost impossible to meet requirements involving contracts between promoters and venues and estimated attendance. All promoters and venues would be affected by the new law and the legislation makes no distinction between large, corporately owned spaces like the Electric Factory, and the smallest of the small bars and promoters like R5 and nontraditional venues like Danger Danger Gallery and Ava House. It would essentially be an end to the Philadelphia art scene as we know it. It would cause a rise in ticket prices, a significant decrease in all ages events (already a major problem in Philly) and an almost probable end in DIY art gatherings and house shows. This is a disaster. Please take the time to read the bill and sign the petition against this major setback to our precious creative forces.

Bill 100267
Petition to Stop Bill 100267
Send emails, letters, faxes and phone calls to bill sponsor Bill Greenlee:
Bill.Greenlee@phila.gov
City Hall, Room 580
Philadelphia, PA 19107-3290
phone: (215) 686-3446, (215) 686-3447
fax: (215) 686-1927

BP Beats Off into the Gulf

Just a few words or thoughts or whatever about the BP oil spill disaster. Mistakes happen, I recognize that, but BP, worth billions upon billions of dollars, has really either slacked or been completely inept when it comes to resolving this crisis. This has left us with not only a natural disaster of epic proportions but also serves to redevestate the economic state of the gulf coast still suffering from the lack of preparation for Katrina.

Where is the outrage? Where are the riots outside BP corporate headquarters? Why are effigies of CEO Tony Hayward not burning in the streets of every major city round the world? As we approach a month after the initial explosion, it is pathetic how little progress has been made to actually stop the oil that is daily raping the Gulf of Mexico with 5000 barrels (or more, potentially much, much more, depending on your source) of crude. While there is little doubt that BP is trying to stop this atrocity, why was there not a plan in place for just such a situation so that an effective solution could be implemented immediately? It is obvious that they are just making it up as they go along, and yet they are not being publicly flogged by the government as they should be. Because these roaches of industry have so much money and political cellulite to push around, they are able to circumvent the efforts of organizations like the EPA and get away with only the minimum amount of safety efforts, and have little to no major disaster plan in place ahead of time. BP seems significantly more concerned with assigning blame to anyone other than themselves and minimizing the perceived impact than they do with taking any actual responsibility for their colossal fuck up. Seriously, if this rig garnered record profits, do you think that BP would give anyone else credit for that, or share the profits with anyone else? Hell no, they would greedily horde that shit for themselves and blow each other in celebration of a job well done. It seems beyond ridiculous that when their genius plan of putting a big box on top of the ejaculating well failed, the next solution suggested was (A) drill another well for relief and (B) plug up the existing well with a combination of rubber and golf balls. REALLY? REALLY. Any safety regulations on that new well by any chance? Or are they more likely just going to build it the same way and rush the job to boot?

If ever there was a wake up call to explore alternative sources of energy, it would seem like this is it, but there is little hope that our country will come together for the common good and actually put such a progressive plan into place. There is just too much money in oil, for both the organizations that control it and for the government agencies that regulate it. Never mind that the first company to successfully initiate a reasonable solar energy plan is going to be rich beyond their wildest dreams. That would take time and we want the money now. What a bunch of rich little spoiled cry babies our country has become. We are a people that feel like we are owed riches, that we are somehow automatically deserving of wealth, that we are entitled to more money than we can ever spend in a lifetime on anything truly worthwhile. We could take our monumental resources and solve so many problems but no, we are more content to selfishly stock pile our wealth Scrooge McDuck style so that we can think about how rich we are as we jerk off. Well congratulations. We have now (again) blown our load all over Mother Earth and left her beauty dripping in our cum. At least we can use all the oil for lube.

Horror Business

Former Misfits frontman Glenn Danzig is bringing his bloated carcass to the Trocodero Saturday, June 19th. Former Misfits guitarist Doyle Wolfgang von Frankenstein's new band will open up and features one time Misfits drummer Dr. Chudd. With this much Misfits blood in one room, one can only assume that they will play a couple of tunes together. However, you will have to sit through some shitty metal band (featuring members of Type O Negative), Gorgeous Frankenstein and Danzig's sets before you get to the encore where they will probably only play four or five 'Fits tunes. If you dig Danzig's solo work, this is probably worth it, but eh...in the last few years, Danzig has become a caricature of himself, looking more and more like Gene Simmons and less and less like the intimidating singer he was even 10 years ago. Plus, there is rarely a Danzig show these days that doesn't feature a buttload of the other Misfits' guys solo projects. The embarrassingly balding yet still devil locked Jerry Only is the only hold up from a full blown reunion and if he could just get over his retarded and misguided sense of self importance, we could get some proper classic sets instead of this abortion. Oh well. Just for kicks, watch Glenny Danzig get knocked the hell out in 2005 by a member of a band he promised, and then denied, an opening slot. Have fun, Fiends!

The Troc
Danzig getting knocked out

How to Clean a Couple O' Things

Here is a golden opportunity for our Philadelphia Squeamies, specifically our Roxborough followers. There is a community clean up day scheduled for this Saturday, May 15 organized by the Roxborough Business Exchange. They are going to cover the main streets through downtown Roxy and then lend a hand to some of the residents who are elderly or handicapped and need assistance with their spring cleaning. This is a great, simple activity that immediately benefits the community, both the residents and the local businesses. Now admittedly, yer pal Mikey Squeamish resides in 19128, so I would reap the benefits of this event's success as much as anyone and more than many, so there is an inherent amount selfish motivation for encouraging everyone out there to ride up to my 'hood and start cleaning. However, if you're not coming out to Roxborough, check out your own neighborhood development group and see what activities you might be able to participate in that would send something back your way. Below are links to just a few that I found on a general search of Philly neighborhood associations.

Roxbourough Development Corporation
South of South Neighborhood Association
Northern Liberties Neighbors Association
Logan Square Neighborhood Association
Society Hill Civic Association
West Passyunk Point Neighborhood Association
Center City Resident's Association
Fairmont Civic Association
Fishtown Neighborhood Association
Old City Civic Association
Norris Square Neighborhood Project
Mt. Airy Neighborhood Association
Manayunk Development Corporation

All of these groups have community clean up days and other beneficial activities organized. Someone in your neighborhood is bringing the community together, you just have to put in a minimal effort to find them and help out. A donation of your time and talents is just as valuable as a monetary one. Take some time and find the organization in your neighborhood and volunteer, even if your contribution is minimal. By taking pride in your neighborhood and giving just a little of yourself, everyone reaps the rewards.

Roxborough Community Clean Up Day

Pop Punk Lettermen

The Varsity Weirdos
Can't Go Home
It's Alive Records, released March 23, 2010

These fine young men out of Canada are crafting some pretty quality tunes in the same vein as, but not a direct copy of, the Guts, the Leftovers and the Copyrights. As evidenced by tracks like "Wanted by the FBI" and "I Hate the Phone," they are at their best when they pick up the pace. Like many pop punk bands (I'm looking at you, Methadones, Mopes, etc.) they suffer on the mid tempo numbers. Stuff like that is really only good to show off how cleanliness of your production, but usually just ends up pulling the momentum of an album down. However, when they do connect, they are swinging for the fences. There are some excellent lead guitars and well executed backing vocals without an overdose of "Whoa, Ohs." Some of these tunes are just so catchy ("Cut Throat," "Disconnected") and, like many bands of their ilk, they have contagious lyrics with just a enough of a hint of pop culture to makes the choruses instantly memorable. The inclusion of early vinyl only tracks on the bonus disc is clutch, as it gives you some background and a little perspective on their development as a band. These cuts are a little rawer, a little more reminiscent of the the Lillingtons' early stuff. When the Riverdales played in Canada, the Varsity Weirdos were called upon to open and Can't Go Home was mastered by Mass Giorgini, both of which are more than appropriate. If the Weirdos can keep it together for another couple of albums, I think that we can look forward to some progressive pop punk, and not just the same Ramones clones over and over again. Catch these guys on their only scheduled U.S. date at the Insubordination Fest in Baltimore, last weekend in June, where they will be joined by the creme de la creme of pop punk from all over the world for a two day extravaganza.

If you find your interest piqued by the Varsity Weirdos, please make your way on over to It's Alive's website and check out some of the other work they have released. Certainly, most of the bands on the label worship at the altar of '90's Lookout stuff, but there is a variety of methods of delivery between most of the bands. Varsity Weirdos is probably in the top five acts on the label, but they have enough artists to keep you busy for a little while finding your personal diamond in the rough. Even though some of their stuff is vinyl only, they always offer a either a cd-r or, more recently, a digital download so you have that shit in your itunes library. Enjoy!

the Varsity Weirdos
It's Alive Records
Insubordination Fest

Follow the Three Way

Ladies and gentlemen, if you will kindly direct your attention to the front of the room. Submitted humbly for your approval is One Life One Chance, a new project headed by H2O front man Toby Morse. The straight edge for life singer has started taking his good, clean fun lifestyle to the kids by doing speaking engagements in classrooms to show an alternative to the drug and alcohol pressures faced by youth. As anyone familiar with the music of the hardcore stalwarts knows, Toby has always used H2O as a chance to spread his message of healthy living. Morse, 40, has yet to take a drink, drag, toke, bump, line, or whatever. Yet he has carefully made sure to never be overly preachy about it, always just making it known that choosing not to smoke, drink or drug has been a positive choice for him. Also, Toby has never insulated himself; from the very beginning, he has been surrounded by the same pressures as anyone else. H2O has been playing shows with Jimmy Gestapo and Murphy's Law for years, and that guy can't even play a 40 minute set without his Jagermeister bottle and a spliff, for Pete's sake. Toby's choice is for real; he means it 'cause he lives it.

One Life One Chance is a 45 minute presentation that chronicles Toby's life growing up in Washington, DC and continues through relocating to NYC and his experience in the punk rock scene. Morse now lives in LA, married with a son. Using a power point slide show, he shows how his lifestyle affected him, both in the immediate and long term senses, and urges kids not to fall victim to peer pressure and to make responsible choices. He not only exposes kids to the straight edge lifestyle, but also touches on the importance of active living and healthy eating habits, including vegetarianism, and the power of positive mental attitude and self image.
Now, we here at I Hope You're Not Squeamish have always believed in the existence of an animal that can indulge in spirits in a responsible and reasonable manner. We can claim no personal allegiance to the straight edge way of life, but we will fully support anyone who is trying to genuinely help people, especially kids. Plus, there is a world of difference between chemically altering yourself because you like it and want to and can handle the consequences, and doing it simply because everyone else is. Take a look at the feedback section on One Life One Chance's website. Some of these kids legitimately have never considered that you can be crazy and wild without partying. Kids do need to be reminded that you truly can be an individual (though it is sometimes scary and you will feel alienated) and that your choices, whatever they may be, shape who you become. We award 27 gold stars to Toby Morse for One Life One Choice and fully encourage you to book him to speak to your class/school/religious group/community group/whatever if you are the kind of person who can arrange such things. Scout's honor, you won't be disappointed.

One Life One Chance
H2O

Now with 75% less Microfilm

This summer, we highly recommend that you revert back to the days of Underoos and go out and get yourself a library card. Not only can you imerse yourself in some fine literature (and stop reading those g.d. Nicholas Sparks "novels." I think that Target must be forcibly stripped of their license to sell the printed word.) but you can also check out some music, rent movies, catch up on periodicals with no subscription fees, enjoy free air conditioning and, perhaps best of all, get yourself some inexpensive education. Most public libraries offer many resources that do not include checking something out at the circulation desk. Now, certainly the size and location of your particular library is going to affect how much or little they offer and on what topics, but usually if your branch isn't offering something interesting, you can check out your county location for some more variety. Here are some of the things that are happening at the Free Library of Philadelphia, just in the two weeks or so:

Seminars for the under- and uninsured
Small Space/City Gardening
Citizenship classes
Poetry Slams for Teens
Programs for developing Financial Responsibility
English as a Second Language
SAT Prep

Some of these are free, some cost a few dollars. Some you have to register in advance, some you can just show up for. None the less, these are viable alternatives to things that are held at much greater cost within the private sphere. Your tax dollars already go to at least partially fund these programs; you should take advantage of these things. Theoretically, once you apply your new knowledge, the minimal registration fees should pay for themselves in the long run. People would be so much less upset at paying taxes if they utilized more of the programs towards which their dollars were funneled. Plus, by educating yourself, you will not only reap the benefits yourself, but so will your community, either by consuming less, creating more, participating more actively, etc. So upgrade your gray matter, 'cause one day it may matter. Bonus points if you are one in a thousand who actually has a hot librarian. (I'm just saying, nerdery is definitely sexy in the right proportions.)

Free Library of Philadelphia
American Library Association

I try not to be one for afterthoughts, but it occurred to me the other day that kids growing up today (and probably even some kids who are already on their way to college, whoa) will never know a true, honest to goodness card catalog. They are doomed to the virtual, digital version forever. I haven't been back to my childhood library in years, but I'll bet the chest of drawers with the oak tag chronicle of volumes is long gone. There was something comforting about the worn note cards where author's names and titles of epic tales were hacked apart due to a lack of physical room on the card. Some of the monikers were badly abbreviated, some were simply divorced of their endings and ended abruptly with a faceless period. Now on my bucket list, my own personal card catalog. --toodles! mikey.

Gutters and Strikes

It is with great sadness that we must announce the probable demise of Philly pop punkers the Mad Splatter. Lead singer/guitarist Scott Slomeana is leaving the band at the end of the summer to pursue other interests, both musical and otherwise. The rest of the band is considering soldiering on with a new frontman, or with one of themselves taking over, but even they admit that it is unlikely that the band will survive. This leaves a big gap in pop punk here in the city of brotherly love and it is doubtful that anyone will take up the reins of writing love songs about zombies, gore and other horror movie inspired topics. They played the Blockley Pourhouse last night and have another Philly show scheduled in June for the Clark Park Festival. They are trying to book a super special final show (I would assume here in Philly, though they were not specific) with their favorite bands, but no details yet. Go see them while you still got the chance.

As we bid a fond farewell to our friends in the Splatter, we turn and welcome with open arms the return of the Gaslight Anthem. They have a new album, American Slang, due out June 15th and the Jersey boys are poised for some big changes. Unchanged is their label; they opted to stay put and put out Slang on SideOneDummy--a wise move as many bands in their position have jumped ship to a major only to find themselves overhyped and eventually overlooked. Gaslight were sensible enough to do one last album on a relative indie and continue to build their fan base. What is changing is the venues for their live act. Last time they came through Philly, on the final leg of the '59 Sound tour, they sold out one night at the Troc and almost sold out a second night. This summer, when the hit us up with new material, they are playing Penn's Landing. That's quite a jump for a band who, three years ago, were opening for the Loved Ones in the Church basement. Good for them. They have worked hard and are deserving of their success. While most any band is enhanced by an intimate show, Gaslight's songs have always been big and open enough to fill larger spaces. The Philly date on their summer tour is Thursday, July 29th. Tickets go on sale tomorrow, but the only place I found any info was on Gaslight's MySpace (not their official website, nor Penn's Landing's website), so that is where we will link you at the bottom.

Finally, Boston's perhaps-not-legendary-but-still-none-the-less-noteworthy '80's hardcore punks Gang Green are gracing Philly with their presence. I saw these guys a couple of years ago and they look like your dad in a Hawaiian shirt, but they still booze it up on stage, spit beer on the crowd, jump around (as best they can without breaking a hip) and generally party hardy. Worth a glimpse if you want to see where NOFX was looking for inspiration when they first started out. Have fun. Tell them that their set was wicked awesome and that you are wicked excited they are playing in Philly; they will love you. This one is at the M Room, Friday May 7th.

the Mad Splatter
the Gaslight Anthem MySpace
the M Room

Three Cheers for made up Last Names

Pop punk fans from all over the world gathered Friday night to witness Screeching Weasel destroy the Troc. They don't have a new album out, they're down to one founding member and Ben Weasel is sporting a pretty decent dad gut, but that didn't stop a couple of people from flying from Russia to see the legendary Chicago band tear through an hour's worth of 90's nostalgia. It was basically the Ben Weasel show, but Danny Vapid substituted for John Jughead on guitar and backing vocals, so there was at least one other recognizable face on stage.
With little fanfare, Screeching Weasel took the stage in Philadelphia for the first time in 17 years and immediately blasted into "Cindy's on Methadone," "Guest List," and "Dingbat" with nary a word to the audience. Ben and his merry gang took only a few brief pauses to catch their breath and to thank the crowd and give Philly some props. Weasel was accommodating to most of their catalog, playing both Brady Bunch songs ("Peter Brady" and "Murder in the Brady House"), "99," "My Right," "My Brain Hurts," and "First Day of Summer." "Joanie loves Johnny" probably got the best audience response, with a pit that encompassed most of the floor and it was great to hear the whole crowd shouting "We don't give a shit about tomorrow!" during "Hey Suburbia." (Complete with the Shut Up ending.) They closed (no encore) with the classic trio "Science of Myth," "Cool Kids," and "What We Hate." Ben obviously tried hard to appease fans who admire all of Screeching Weasel's different eras and succeeded in putting together at set list that made the almost two decade wait well worth it.

Some of Friday's show was recorded for a still in production documentary about Screeching Weasel. We have heard through the grapevine (internet whispers and rumors) that this project is being headed by one of Ben's cohorts from Panic Button! Records, so methinks that Ben will ultimately have final say on what goes into the move and what ends up on the killing floor. None the less, this is probably going to be the only movie on this particular subject, assuming that they finish the thing and get it released. There is a website, but it is just a link to an email addy. They were passing out a flyer at the show looking for anything Weasel, pics, fanzines, tattoos, stories. If you got something to contribute and want to be included, give 'em a shout.

Weasel Movie

Electro in a Half Shell (Techno Power!)

Our friends at Sixunder7 music have given us the drop on Valerna's new remix package that is going to be available for free soon. Valerna is hooking us all up with some free tunes because they are just so goddamn happy to announce their signing to Miles Dyson's German electro/techo/house label Plasmapool. Dyson is somewhat of of a wunderkind of dance music. He started out DJing at age 13 and quickly rose through the ranks of Europe's reining clubland rulers. These days, in addition to the original music he creates and the other artist's music he is remixing, Dyson also runs more than a dozen labels, each catering to a different interpretation of electronic music. Dyson is world renowned for his open embrace of all styles of dance music and has invited Valerna into his fold.
Their first release for Plasmapool, the Teenage Muntant Ninja Techno ep, builds on their already knock a motherfucker out sound. We were given an little inside listen and it is some wild shit. If Valerna know anything, they know glitches, those great little moments that catch you off guard and keep the beat from getting repetitive. "Up the Punx!" and "Burn it Down!" (both of which sound like they should be should be A Global Threat or the Unseen song titles) drip hydrochloric acid on the beat at precise points to isolate certain sounds, only to have the full rhythm back a second later. "Action! Disco!" takes a weirder turn and is a study in bending the tone, reminiscent of manually slowing a record with your fingers. Valerna is definitely skilled in building the tension of the song and then releasing it, and that is front and center on all three tracks. Look for it sometime around June.

Valerna
Sixunder7

This Fragile Planet

Wishing you all a magnificent Earth Day! Please do something today that benefits our Mother, she has been so kind and forgiving to us in the past. It is a shame that in the 200000 years or so that there have been humans that we have gotten worse, not better, at conserving natural resources and protecting our island home. We can make i-pods the size of a fucking fingernail, but yet can't manage to make our cars any more fuel efficient or implement protections for endangered species or quit burning the rain forests to the ground. As a species, we suck at maintaining our environment, even in as much as making sure that it is not toxic and detrimental to our survival. Man o man, how the hell are we the epitome of evolution? Fish do a better job at finding a balance with their ecosystem and they have five second memories. For the last forty years, hippies across the country have made it their noble effort to have general society recognize how important it is to respect the Earth. So please what you can this Earth Day--recycle your dead batteries, install ecofriendly lightbulbs in the lamps in your home, take the bus or train to work. Anything, from the smallest effort to the largest movement, counts a little bit in our war against ourselves.