More like "Bore-ophyl"

So maybe yer ole pal Mikey Squeamish is behind the times a little bit, but this whole "Retrosexual" deal has got to be stopped cold in its tracks before it gets too big for its britches. For those even further behind than myself, "Retrosexual" is a movement that seeks to reclaim a sense of manliness, based on lessons from bygone eras when masculinity was a given and men knew how to dress, fix/create with their own two hands and just generally be "men". Now, you would think that this kind of thing would be right up my alley, and nine times out of ten you would be dead right, but this shit has caught me kind of off guard, and it pisses me off for two reasons. Primarily, I see this as biting my style and outlook, one that I have practiced in varying degrees for many years now. However, I am also highly suspect of the motivations of both the authors and proponents of this lifestyle.

Retrosexual seems to be pretty much spearheaded by nutsack in training, Brett McKay. Mr. McKay is the author of, and seems to be the primary webvoice of, The Art of Manliness. It seems to me, in my opinion, that Mr. Brett is not really the "man's man" that he purports to be, but is really just a fashionista who happens to like classic '50's clothing. No matter how many black and white pictures of guys with waxed mustashes or drawings ripped from pulp comics decorate the site, A of M is still just fashion commentary, like an issue of Esquire or GQ or Details. This shit just reeks of pretension and elitism. Look dude, everyone likes "Mad Men" and wants chicks like that redhead to dig them, but get off your high horse and just admit that you like the clothes.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that this movement is all wrong. As I said earlier, I do identify with many of the concepts presented. Papa Squeamish is for sure a "man's man" and I don't feel that I will ever be able to live up to his reputation, as much as I may try. In Fight Club, Tyler Durdin says, "We are a generation of men raised by women." This is true. Men currently in their twenties and thirties, as this is most assuredly who "Retrosexual" is aimed at, are, in large part, a bunch of softies. We are the first generation of men who did not, as a whole, serve in wartime. Large portions of this generation were raised with the notion that toy guns lead to adult violence and that playing cowboys and indians was insensitive. Our dads were kind enough not to beat the living shit out of us when we misbehaved. So, yeah, we could use some toughening up; there is no doubt or argument about this.

However, when we look back at our fathers and grandfathers and the epitome of masculinity that they set, we must remember that they did not become that way be reading a magazine or visiting a website or watching youtube videos. They knew how to fix the family Chrysler because on Saturday morning they got up early, cut the grass and then went out and started taking apart the engine until they discovered the problem. Then they went to the autoparts store, used the guide book to find the necessary filter, plug, ring etc., went home, and put the car back together. They knew not to wear white socks with a suit because who in fuck's name would do that? They carried pocket knives because they were acutally fixing things with them, not because they wanted to look cool when they emptied their pockets. PS--You can't even carry a pocket knife many places these days anyway, so put that shit in your desk or whatever and it might actually serve a purpose.

Ok, so this is really up to you to decide for yourself. Check out their website, or the book, and see what appeals to you. Like I said, there are some actual well written, informative articles scattered on the site (see, for example: Foil Packet Recipes for the Campfire). Then, you can either embrace this "lifestyle" which will no doubt leave you well dressed and well mannered and prepared should you ever have to engage in an impromptu boxing match. Or, you can take your time, develop a style that is actually your own, be an individual and a real man to your family and friends. Your choice.

The Art of Manliness

Bomb (from) the Suburbs

Hipster hip hop heads in Philly should be stoked, as the kind folks at R5 are putting on two awesome and one reasonable rap shows in the next ten days. On Tuesday, emotional MC Cage takes the stage at the First Unitarian Church. In some of his promo shots, he is wearing a black on black suit and has Justin Bieber hair, but we shouldn't hold that against the dude, 'cause he does put out a hot track every once in a while. Plus, he is playing with a hardcore band from Connecticut, so it should keep things interesting. The next night, Wednesday the 14th, former Defintive Jux head honcho El-P is taking his off kilter rhythms to Johnny Brenda's for a super intimate performance. As a label chief, Mr. Producto was constantly contributing beats and guest rhymes on every MC's album he put out, to the point that is was almost distracting. However, El-P has always been stronger when he is doing his own thing, be it his solo material or when he was in Company Flow. Opening is Blockhead (probably best known as producer extraordinaire for Aesop Rock), whose beats have grown steadily more reliable as time has progressed. His DJ set is not to be missed if you are attending. Finally, looking ahead to the next week, the First Uni is once again invaded by backpack hip hoppers when duo Eyedea & Abilities set up shop Monday the 19th. E & A have never been the most prolific rap group, but there is no doubting their talent and they are somewhat famous for being able to recreate, an often exceed, their tracks in a live setting. As anyone who has spent a reasonable amount of time at hip hop shows knows, even the best MC's suffer on stage as they are unable reproduce the ideas from their records on the stage. Since these are all R5 shows, we as always recommend that you procure your duty free tickets from AKA Music, North 2nd Street in Old City. Keep it gully!

R5 Productions
Cage
El-Producto
Blockhead
Eyedea & Abilities