BP Beats Off into the Gulf

Just a few words or thoughts or whatever about the BP oil spill disaster. Mistakes happen, I recognize that, but BP, worth billions upon billions of dollars, has really either slacked or been completely inept when it comes to resolving this crisis. This has left us with not only a natural disaster of epic proportions but also serves to redevestate the economic state of the gulf coast still suffering from the lack of preparation for Katrina.

Where is the outrage? Where are the riots outside BP corporate headquarters? Why are effigies of CEO Tony Hayward not burning in the streets of every major city round the world? As we approach a month after the initial explosion, it is pathetic how little progress has been made to actually stop the oil that is daily raping the Gulf of Mexico with 5000 barrels (or more, potentially much, much more, depending on your source) of crude. While there is little doubt that BP is trying to stop this atrocity, why was there not a plan in place for just such a situation so that an effective solution could be implemented immediately? It is obvious that they are just making it up as they go along, and yet they are not being publicly flogged by the government as they should be. Because these roaches of industry have so much money and political cellulite to push around, they are able to circumvent the efforts of organizations like the EPA and get away with only the minimum amount of safety efforts, and have little to no major disaster plan in place ahead of time. BP seems significantly more concerned with assigning blame to anyone other than themselves and minimizing the perceived impact than they do with taking any actual responsibility for their colossal fuck up. Seriously, if this rig garnered record profits, do you think that BP would give anyone else credit for that, or share the profits with anyone else? Hell no, they would greedily horde that shit for themselves and blow each other in celebration of a job well done. It seems beyond ridiculous that when their genius plan of putting a big box on top of the ejaculating well failed, the next solution suggested was (A) drill another well for relief and (B) plug up the existing well with a combination of rubber and golf balls. REALLY? REALLY. Any safety regulations on that new well by any chance? Or are they more likely just going to build it the same way and rush the job to boot?

If ever there was a wake up call to explore alternative sources of energy, it would seem like this is it, but there is little hope that our country will come together for the common good and actually put such a progressive plan into place. There is just too much money in oil, for both the organizations that control it and for the government agencies that regulate it. Never mind that the first company to successfully initiate a reasonable solar energy plan is going to be rich beyond their wildest dreams. That would take time and we want the money now. What a bunch of rich little spoiled cry babies our country has become. We are a people that feel like we are owed riches, that we are somehow automatically deserving of wealth, that we are entitled to more money than we can ever spend in a lifetime on anything truly worthwhile. We could take our monumental resources and solve so many problems but no, we are more content to selfishly stock pile our wealth Scrooge McDuck style so that we can think about how rich we are as we jerk off. Well congratulations. We have now (again) blown our load all over Mother Earth and left her beauty dripping in our cum. At least we can use all the oil for lube.

Horror Business

Former Misfits frontman Glenn Danzig is bringing his bloated carcass to the Trocodero Saturday, June 19th. Former Misfits guitarist Doyle Wolfgang von Frankenstein's new band will open up and features one time Misfits drummer Dr. Chudd. With this much Misfits blood in one room, one can only assume that they will play a couple of tunes together. However, you will have to sit through some shitty metal band (featuring members of Type O Negative), Gorgeous Frankenstein and Danzig's sets before you get to the encore where they will probably only play four or five 'Fits tunes. If you dig Danzig's solo work, this is probably worth it, but eh...in the last few years, Danzig has become a caricature of himself, looking more and more like Gene Simmons and less and less like the intimidating singer he was even 10 years ago. Plus, there is rarely a Danzig show these days that doesn't feature a buttload of the other Misfits' guys solo projects. The embarrassingly balding yet still devil locked Jerry Only is the only hold up from a full blown reunion and if he could just get over his retarded and misguided sense of self importance, we could get some proper classic sets instead of this abortion. Oh well. Just for kicks, watch Glenny Danzig get knocked the hell out in 2005 by a member of a band he promised, and then denied, an opening slot. Have fun, Fiends!

The Troc
Danzig getting knocked out

How to Clean a Couple O' Things

Here is a golden opportunity for our Philadelphia Squeamies, specifically our Roxborough followers. There is a community clean up day scheduled for this Saturday, May 15 organized by the Roxborough Business Exchange. They are going to cover the main streets through downtown Roxy and then lend a hand to some of the residents who are elderly or handicapped and need assistance with their spring cleaning. This is a great, simple activity that immediately benefits the community, both the residents and the local businesses. Now admittedly, yer pal Mikey Squeamish resides in 19128, so I would reap the benefits of this event's success as much as anyone and more than many, so there is an inherent amount selfish motivation for encouraging everyone out there to ride up to my 'hood and start cleaning. However, if you're not coming out to Roxborough, check out your own neighborhood development group and see what activities you might be able to participate in that would send something back your way. Below are links to just a few that I found on a general search of Philly neighborhood associations.

Roxbourough Development Corporation
South of South Neighborhood Association
Northern Liberties Neighbors Association
Logan Square Neighborhood Association
Society Hill Civic Association
West Passyunk Point Neighborhood Association
Center City Resident's Association
Fairmont Civic Association
Fishtown Neighborhood Association
Old City Civic Association
Norris Square Neighborhood Project
Mt. Airy Neighborhood Association
Manayunk Development Corporation

All of these groups have community clean up days and other beneficial activities organized. Someone in your neighborhood is bringing the community together, you just have to put in a minimal effort to find them and help out. A donation of your time and talents is just as valuable as a monetary one. Take some time and find the organization in your neighborhood and volunteer, even if your contribution is minimal. By taking pride in your neighborhood and giving just a little of yourself, everyone reaps the rewards.

Roxborough Community Clean Up Day

Pop Punk Lettermen

The Varsity Weirdos
Can't Go Home
It's Alive Records, released March 23, 2010

These fine young men out of Canada are crafting some pretty quality tunes in the same vein as, but not a direct copy of, the Guts, the Leftovers and the Copyrights. As evidenced by tracks like "Wanted by the FBI" and "I Hate the Phone," they are at their best when they pick up the pace. Like many pop punk bands (I'm looking at you, Methadones, Mopes, etc.) they suffer on the mid tempo numbers. Stuff like that is really only good to show off how cleanliness of your production, but usually just ends up pulling the momentum of an album down. However, when they do connect, they are swinging for the fences. There are some excellent lead guitars and well executed backing vocals without an overdose of "Whoa, Ohs." Some of these tunes are just so catchy ("Cut Throat," "Disconnected") and, like many bands of their ilk, they have contagious lyrics with just a enough of a hint of pop culture to makes the choruses instantly memorable. The inclusion of early vinyl only tracks on the bonus disc is clutch, as it gives you some background and a little perspective on their development as a band. These cuts are a little rawer, a little more reminiscent of the the Lillingtons' early stuff. When the Riverdales played in Canada, the Varsity Weirdos were called upon to open and Can't Go Home was mastered by Mass Giorgini, both of which are more than appropriate. If the Weirdos can keep it together for another couple of albums, I think that we can look forward to some progressive pop punk, and not just the same Ramones clones over and over again. Catch these guys on their only scheduled U.S. date at the Insubordination Fest in Baltimore, last weekend in June, where they will be joined by the creme de la creme of pop punk from all over the world for a two day extravaganza.

If you find your interest piqued by the Varsity Weirdos, please make your way on over to It's Alive's website and check out some of the other work they have released. Certainly, most of the bands on the label worship at the altar of '90's Lookout stuff, but there is a variety of methods of delivery between most of the bands. Varsity Weirdos is probably in the top five acts on the label, but they have enough artists to keep you busy for a little while finding your personal diamond in the rough. Even though some of their stuff is vinyl only, they always offer a either a cd-r or, more recently, a digital download so you have that shit in your itunes library. Enjoy!

the Varsity Weirdos
It's Alive Records
Insubordination Fest

Follow the Three Way

Ladies and gentlemen, if you will kindly direct your attention to the front of the room. Submitted humbly for your approval is One Life One Chance, a new project headed by H2O front man Toby Morse. The straight edge for life singer has started taking his good, clean fun lifestyle to the kids by doing speaking engagements in classrooms to show an alternative to the drug and alcohol pressures faced by youth. As anyone familiar with the music of the hardcore stalwarts knows, Toby has always used H2O as a chance to spread his message of healthy living. Morse, 40, has yet to take a drink, drag, toke, bump, line, or whatever. Yet he has carefully made sure to never be overly preachy about it, always just making it known that choosing not to smoke, drink or drug has been a positive choice for him. Also, Toby has never insulated himself; from the very beginning, he has been surrounded by the same pressures as anyone else. H2O has been playing shows with Jimmy Gestapo and Murphy's Law for years, and that guy can't even play a 40 minute set without his Jagermeister bottle and a spliff, for Pete's sake. Toby's choice is for real; he means it 'cause he lives it.

One Life One Chance is a 45 minute presentation that chronicles Toby's life growing up in Washington, DC and continues through relocating to NYC and his experience in the punk rock scene. Morse now lives in LA, married with a son. Using a power point slide show, he shows how his lifestyle affected him, both in the immediate and long term senses, and urges kids not to fall victim to peer pressure and to make responsible choices. He not only exposes kids to the straight edge lifestyle, but also touches on the importance of active living and healthy eating habits, including vegetarianism, and the power of positive mental attitude and self image.
Now, we here at I Hope You're Not Squeamish have always believed in the existence of an animal that can indulge in spirits in a responsible and reasonable manner. We can claim no personal allegiance to the straight edge way of life, but we will fully support anyone who is trying to genuinely help people, especially kids. Plus, there is a world of difference between chemically altering yourself because you like it and want to and can handle the consequences, and doing it simply because everyone else is. Take a look at the feedback section on One Life One Chance's website. Some of these kids legitimately have never considered that you can be crazy and wild without partying. Kids do need to be reminded that you truly can be an individual (though it is sometimes scary and you will feel alienated) and that your choices, whatever they may be, shape who you become. We award 27 gold stars to Toby Morse for One Life One Choice and fully encourage you to book him to speak to your class/school/religious group/community group/whatever if you are the kind of person who can arrange such things. Scout's honor, you won't be disappointed.

One Life One Chance
H2O

Now with 75% less Microfilm

This summer, we highly recommend that you revert back to the days of Underoos and go out and get yourself a library card. Not only can you imerse yourself in some fine literature (and stop reading those g.d. Nicholas Sparks "novels." I think that Target must be forcibly stripped of their license to sell the printed word.) but you can also check out some music, rent movies, catch up on periodicals with no subscription fees, enjoy free air conditioning and, perhaps best of all, get yourself some inexpensive education. Most public libraries offer many resources that do not include checking something out at the circulation desk. Now, certainly the size and location of your particular library is going to affect how much or little they offer and on what topics, but usually if your branch isn't offering something interesting, you can check out your county location for some more variety. Here are some of the things that are happening at the Free Library of Philadelphia, just in the two weeks or so:

Seminars for the under- and uninsured
Small Space/City Gardening
Citizenship classes
Poetry Slams for Teens
Programs for developing Financial Responsibility
English as a Second Language
SAT Prep

Some of these are free, some cost a few dollars. Some you have to register in advance, some you can just show up for. None the less, these are viable alternatives to things that are held at much greater cost within the private sphere. Your tax dollars already go to at least partially fund these programs; you should take advantage of these things. Theoretically, once you apply your new knowledge, the minimal registration fees should pay for themselves in the long run. People would be so much less upset at paying taxes if they utilized more of the programs towards which their dollars were funneled. Plus, by educating yourself, you will not only reap the benefits yourself, but so will your community, either by consuming less, creating more, participating more actively, etc. So upgrade your gray matter, 'cause one day it may matter. Bonus points if you are one in a thousand who actually has a hot librarian. (I'm just saying, nerdery is definitely sexy in the right proportions.)

Free Library of Philadelphia
American Library Association

I try not to be one for afterthoughts, but it occurred to me the other day that kids growing up today (and probably even some kids who are already on their way to college, whoa) will never know a true, honest to goodness card catalog. They are doomed to the virtual, digital version forever. I haven't been back to my childhood library in years, but I'll bet the chest of drawers with the oak tag chronicle of volumes is long gone. There was something comforting about the worn note cards where author's names and titles of epic tales were hacked apart due to a lack of physical room on the card. Some of the monikers were badly abbreviated, some were simply divorced of their endings and ended abruptly with a faceless period. Now on my bucket list, my own personal card catalog. --toodles! mikey.

Gutters and Strikes

It is with great sadness that we must announce the probable demise of Philly pop punkers the Mad Splatter. Lead singer/guitarist Scott Slomeana is leaving the band at the end of the summer to pursue other interests, both musical and otherwise. The rest of the band is considering soldiering on with a new frontman, or with one of themselves taking over, but even they admit that it is unlikely that the band will survive. This leaves a big gap in pop punk here in the city of brotherly love and it is doubtful that anyone will take up the reins of writing love songs about zombies, gore and other horror movie inspired topics. They played the Blockley Pourhouse last night and have another Philly show scheduled in June for the Clark Park Festival. They are trying to book a super special final show (I would assume here in Philly, though they were not specific) with their favorite bands, but no details yet. Go see them while you still got the chance.

As we bid a fond farewell to our friends in the Splatter, we turn and welcome with open arms the return of the Gaslight Anthem. They have a new album, American Slang, due out June 15th and the Jersey boys are poised for some big changes. Unchanged is their label; they opted to stay put and put out Slang on SideOneDummy--a wise move as many bands in their position have jumped ship to a major only to find themselves overhyped and eventually overlooked. Gaslight were sensible enough to do one last album on a relative indie and continue to build their fan base. What is changing is the venues for their live act. Last time they came through Philly, on the final leg of the '59 Sound tour, they sold out one night at the Troc and almost sold out a second night. This summer, when the hit us up with new material, they are playing Penn's Landing. That's quite a jump for a band who, three years ago, were opening for the Loved Ones in the Church basement. Good for them. They have worked hard and are deserving of their success. While most any band is enhanced by an intimate show, Gaslight's songs have always been big and open enough to fill larger spaces. The Philly date on their summer tour is Thursday, July 29th. Tickets go on sale tomorrow, but the only place I found any info was on Gaslight's MySpace (not their official website, nor Penn's Landing's website), so that is where we will link you at the bottom.

Finally, Boston's perhaps-not-legendary-but-still-none-the-less-noteworthy '80's hardcore punks Gang Green are gracing Philly with their presence. I saw these guys a couple of years ago and they look like your dad in a Hawaiian shirt, but they still booze it up on stage, spit beer on the crowd, jump around (as best they can without breaking a hip) and generally party hardy. Worth a glimpse if you want to see where NOFX was looking for inspiration when they first started out. Have fun. Tell them that their set was wicked awesome and that you are wicked excited they are playing in Philly; they will love you. This one is at the M Room, Friday May 7th.

the Mad Splatter
the Gaslight Anthem MySpace
the M Room

Three Cheers for made up Last Names

Pop punk fans from all over the world gathered Friday night to witness Screeching Weasel destroy the Troc. They don't have a new album out, they're down to one founding member and Ben Weasel is sporting a pretty decent dad gut, but that didn't stop a couple of people from flying from Russia to see the legendary Chicago band tear through an hour's worth of 90's nostalgia. It was basically the Ben Weasel show, but Danny Vapid substituted for John Jughead on guitar and backing vocals, so there was at least one other recognizable face on stage.
With little fanfare, Screeching Weasel took the stage in Philadelphia for the first time in 17 years and immediately blasted into "Cindy's on Methadone," "Guest List," and "Dingbat" with nary a word to the audience. Ben and his merry gang took only a few brief pauses to catch their breath and to thank the crowd and give Philly some props. Weasel was accommodating to most of their catalog, playing both Brady Bunch songs ("Peter Brady" and "Murder in the Brady House"), "99," "My Right," "My Brain Hurts," and "First Day of Summer." "Joanie loves Johnny" probably got the best audience response, with a pit that encompassed most of the floor and it was great to hear the whole crowd shouting "We don't give a shit about tomorrow!" during "Hey Suburbia." (Complete with the Shut Up ending.) They closed (no encore) with the classic trio "Science of Myth," "Cool Kids," and "What We Hate." Ben obviously tried hard to appease fans who admire all of Screeching Weasel's different eras and succeeded in putting together at set list that made the almost two decade wait well worth it.

Some of Friday's show was recorded for a still in production documentary about Screeching Weasel. We have heard through the grapevine (internet whispers and rumors) that this project is being headed by one of Ben's cohorts from Panic Button! Records, so methinks that Ben will ultimately have final say on what goes into the move and what ends up on the killing floor. None the less, this is probably going to be the only movie on this particular subject, assuming that they finish the thing and get it released. There is a website, but it is just a link to an email addy. They were passing out a flyer at the show looking for anything Weasel, pics, fanzines, tattoos, stories. If you got something to contribute and want to be included, give 'em a shout.

Weasel Movie

Electro in a Half Shell (Techno Power!)

Our friends at Sixunder7 music have given us the drop on Valerna's new remix package that is going to be available for free soon. Valerna is hooking us all up with some free tunes because they are just so goddamn happy to announce their signing to Miles Dyson's German electro/techo/house label Plasmapool. Dyson is somewhat of of a wunderkind of dance music. He started out DJing at age 13 and quickly rose through the ranks of Europe's reining clubland rulers. These days, in addition to the original music he creates and the other artist's music he is remixing, Dyson also runs more than a dozen labels, each catering to a different interpretation of electronic music. Dyson is world renowned for his open embrace of all styles of dance music and has invited Valerna into his fold.
Their first release for Plasmapool, the Teenage Muntant Ninja Techno ep, builds on their already knock a motherfucker out sound. We were given an little inside listen and it is some wild shit. If Valerna know anything, they know glitches, those great little moments that catch you off guard and keep the beat from getting repetitive. "Up the Punx!" and "Burn it Down!" (both of which sound like they should be should be A Global Threat or the Unseen song titles) drip hydrochloric acid on the beat at precise points to isolate certain sounds, only to have the full rhythm back a second later. "Action! Disco!" takes a weirder turn and is a study in bending the tone, reminiscent of manually slowing a record with your fingers. Valerna is definitely skilled in building the tension of the song and then releasing it, and that is front and center on all three tracks. Look for it sometime around June.

Valerna
Sixunder7

This Fragile Planet

Wishing you all a magnificent Earth Day! Please do something today that benefits our Mother, she has been so kind and forgiving to us in the past. It is a shame that in the 200000 years or so that there have been humans that we have gotten worse, not better, at conserving natural resources and protecting our island home. We can make i-pods the size of a fucking fingernail, but yet can't manage to make our cars any more fuel efficient or implement protections for endangered species or quit burning the rain forests to the ground. As a species, we suck at maintaining our environment, even in as much as making sure that it is not toxic and detrimental to our survival. Man o man, how the hell are we the epitome of evolution? Fish do a better job at finding a balance with their ecosystem and they have five second memories. For the last forty years, hippies across the country have made it their noble effort to have general society recognize how important it is to respect the Earth. So please what you can this Earth Day--recycle your dead batteries, install ecofriendly lightbulbs in the lamps in your home, take the bus or train to work. Anything, from the smallest effort to the largest movement, counts a little bit in our war against ourselves.